Dreaming LifeDreaming Life

30-September-2009: I had a dream I was absorbing special people's powers via coloured dots on the ground they had made by excreting their powers. After this I became a sort of super flying druid. I was dressed in a white robe covered in many religious symbols from many denominations so that people would know I was holy when they saw me flying, on my way to repel the forces of evil.

29-September-2009: I dreamed that a guy in a car ran down my friend, Steve Lockie-Bloore, who was on a motorcycle. Steve was quite badly hurt but the driver was shouting at him for the damage he'd caused to his car, so I punched him in the face and told him to get lost. Steve had fallen unconscious for a while but he came around again as we heard an ambulance approaching. I told Steve to stay still, saying 'You know the routine eh? You've crashed more times than a ZX Spectrum.' (The last bit is a quote from Red Dwarf)

28-September-2009: I had a dream I was some kind of unofficial soldier. I had a new handgun and showed my commander how quickly I could dismantle it, but embarrassed myself by not being able to reassemble it.

27-September-2009: I had a dream I was on the street where I grew up, hiding in someone's front garden in the dark while some unknown thugs were searching for me. They eventually found me and said they were going to hurt me because of something my brother did to one of them, breaking their  arm. I said, 'Fuck that, I'm not letting my dickhead brother get me in trouble. I'll go home and break his arm and legs', so they followed me to watch. I woke up before I got home.

26-September-2009: I dreamt that I temporarily moved to a dingy flat in Brighton, England, with my friend Steve Lockie-Bloore, to search for a missing boy called Matthew.

25-September-2009: I dreamed I was hunting werebears in the Rocky Mountains.

24-September-2009: I had a dream that Marcia, my wife, and I were both in love with a woman called Elle from an Australian soap opera called Neighbours. We all ended up living together in a nice 3-way relationship which, for some unknown reason, made my mother really angry.

23-September-2009: I dreamed I flew off from a countryside house's porch really fast to stop a flying biker gang from derailing a train.

22-September-2009: I had quite a scary dream where I was in a jungle in total darkness with a film crew. We were on a very thin strip of land with crocodile-infested waters on either side, snakes hanging from trees and deadly insects on the ground. We knew they were all there but we could not see  anything as we tried to run deeper into the jungle and away from the water. At one point I heard the thumping of crocodile footfalls behind me, then brushed against a snake in a tree.

21-September-2009: I keep dreaming that I go back in time to my high-school, usually to physics class but not always. Last night it was biology class I dreamed about. The teacher was demonstrating how you can tell if you're overweight by pinching the skin on your shoulder and I interrupted her, saying there was much more involved when taking body fat measurements. I took over the class and showed everyone how and where to measure body fat with callipers. I then started talking about genetics and how chemistry and bio-chemistry will become the more dominant science over physics in the future.

20-September-2009: I had a dream I was in an English class with my first boss, Bob Scrase. The lesson was really boring because Bob just kept handing out sheets of paper until everyone's desk was piled high with instructions and assignments and we never got around to doing any writing or discussion. After this Bob spotted a poster on the wall for a writing competition and changed the name from 'Win a Prize for Best Story' to 'Win a Prize for Your Story' to be all politically correct. Bob then said we should write about each other's cheeks, but he was really prosaic with his suggestions. For instance he suggested the girl next me could say my cheeks were rosy when, I pointed out, we should be using phrases like 'ripening apples in an Autumnal orchard' and so on.

19-September-2009: I dreamed I was trying to chat up a Welsh girl but a guy from my teens, John Keers, was the one she really liked.

18-September-2009: I had a dream that a mad scientist/super-villain called Scorpio had decided to go straight and be a good guy. I, as Lisa Simpson, was trying to help him adjust to the normal world.

17-September-2009: I had a dream that I was back at my high-school physics class when a boy called Jones said I was an ugly bastard. I explained to the class in general that Jones was little more than an ape in the wild, calling me ugly to assert his alpha ape status. I then went on to explain that this might not be so bad if his brain was a bit larger, and this wasn't his entire intellectual arsenal he'd just displayed. After this I sent my mind forward to the present day to look up events from 1985 so I could go back in time again and make spooky predictions.

16-September-2009: I had a dream that I decided to take my mother and brother, via magic, to San Dimas in California. I was hoping we'd have a good time there, at the water park etc, but when we arrived it was all run down because of the recession.

15-September-2009: I had a dream that I was floating above New York City and decided to float all the way up into outer space. The experience was like dying, not like going up into the real world outer space but a more organised ether made up from equidistant dots. While I was up there I discovered I could easily go to heaven, that it wasn't at the other side of the universe and that it wasn't even that far away from Earth. Heaven didn't look like I expected and, in fact, didn't look how it would normally because I wasn't dead. There were lots of old huts and sheds that were supposed to be experiences, but to me they were just empty. I found that I could feel the essence of the experiences if I brushed against some surrounding dots of different colours that contained different emotions. After a while I decided to float back down to Earth and landed on top of a new skyscraper in Dubai.

14-September-2009: I had a dream there was a fairy kingdom under the riverbed beneath Ouse Bridge in York where I live. Some construction work was going to take place under the bridge so I went to the fairy kingdom to warn them they were in danger of being discovered. They deliberated over whether they should move the kingdom deeper under the bridge, or to a different location altogether.

13-September-2009: I had a dream that I was in a crime mystery, following a mafia gang around an old English mansion house. The trail of the gang led to a pub by an ancient waterwheel. I sneaked inside the pub and stole a bunch of fake lottery tickets from the gang and hid them in a bucket, which I sunk beneath the mill pond.

12-September-2009: I had a dream that I was at the gym again, only this time I gave some guy a formula for a new type of metal that is 300 times stronger than steal. Part of the formula involved sunlight and sound.

11-September-2009: I had a dream that I was at the gym and lifting outrageously massive weights.

10-September-2009: I had a dream that I lived two separate lives, my ordinary life and a life where I was the secret step grandson of Gianni Versace. In my Versace life I travelled everywhere in my own airship and attended lots of huge fashion parties.

9-September-2009: I had a dream that my friend, Mark Whose-name-cannot-be-mentioned-anymore, and I travelled back in time to be in Hitler's navy for fun. It was like a future reality game. There was a funny part when I was saying how stupid Hitler was when he was standing behind me. Mark gave me a dig in the ribs to let me know and I pretended I was repeating what some British guy had said before I shot him.

8-September-2009: I had a dream that I was at a friend's party, Peter Rankin, and that he had these pizza slices that made me feel really sick every time I tried to eat one. In real life I had a terrible cold and think my dream was reflecting this.

7-September-2009: I had a dream that a machine asked me where I'd like to go, anywhere on Earth, so I said the Seychelles because it's supposed to be the most beautiful place. The machine teleported my friends and I to the Seychelles but when we got there it wasn't as nice as I expected. The towns were all rundown and the ocean was dirty. I suggested we try the Maldives instead.

6-September-2009: I had a dream that I was stealing expensive cars then handing them over to a fat dwarf. Later in the dream I spotted one of my real life clients buying a car from the fat man.

5-September-2009: I had a dream that I was in the English countryside with a small group of people who were being hunted by Terminators. I had a power which enabled me to predict when Terminators were coming, like I would see them knocking doors down a few minutes before it actually happened. I had a vision of Terminators going into an apartment next to ours then kicking the connecting wall down to capture us. I got everyone out quickly and we ran across the street, climbed a fence and sneaked under an old bridge. We ended up bedding down for the night in some bushes by a disused railway line. I set up a device using an iPod and some wire that projected our voices so it sounded like we were 300 metres away in case Terminators came looking.

4-September-2009: I had a dream that I could fly, which is pretty normal in my dreams, and I was trying to teach my childhood friend, Sean Suckling, how to fly better as he'd just learned the trick.

3-September-2009: I had a dream that my home town of York was flooded. I was with a girl called Hannah from a British soap opera called Hollyoaks, showing her the flooded sights of York. We took a walk into the countryside to get my boat and discussed going on a round the world trip with some young people.

2-September-2009: I had weird, trippy sex dreams with sleek Germans in big overcoats. I think my dreams were affected by the antibiotics I'm taking.

1-September-2009: I had a dream that I was travelling across Europe by train with the Queen of England.