Dreaming LifeDreaming Life

31-October-2005: I dreamt that I was riding a bus around town and feeling very, very sleepy. I felt so sleepy that I thought I might be dreaming; I thought of chatting some girls up like it was only a dream and didn’t matter, but was afraid that I’d be thrown off the bus and have to walk home when I could hardly keep my eyes open.

30-October-2005: I dreamt that someone had made a working model of a recurring dream I seemed to often have – though I can’t remember having the recurring dreams now that I’m awake. The model was of a large two story warehouse that was mostly empty, apart from one room on an upper floor to the left which had a bottomless pit with a high-energy beam pulsating down and up out of it. There was a demon in the beam and the model-maker told me how he’d trapped and killed it. I was distressed by this because the demon was a friend, a benevolent force. I ran into the real building and up the stairs to the pit with the energy beam, only the beam had died away and all was left was the pit and an empty warehouse. The actor Michael Cane came in looking rather pleased with himself; he held a gun at me and made me walk into a little rut or concrete gully then shot me three or four times. I went down on the floor and pretended he’d killed me and he walked away, after a few minutes went by another immortal like myself came to see if I was all right, which I was.

29-October-2005: I dreamt that I was in Brighton in the south of England, I was walking around the town as if I still lived there, like I did in waking life years ago, when this teenager with mild cerebral palsy that I work with now (again in waking life) bumped into me. I was surprised to see him there and decided I’d have to stay with him until his grandma, who he stays with when I go and see him, realises he’s missing and comes to look for him. In the dream it was like he lived across town, when in reality he lives about 500 miles away from where we were.

28-October-2005: I had a dream that I was in the countryside, possibly the Yorkshire Dales or the Peak District in England, with a couple called Grace and Clay (real people I know). I think they actually had a house there because Grace walked away from us up a hill and into a stone cottage; I thought she’d just gone to get something and would be back soon but Clay followed her while I was pointing out a very interesting tree on top of another hill; by the time I’d noticed he’d gone and started to follow in their footsteps they emerged from the garden of the cottage on bicycles and rode off together up a bridle path and left me all alone in the middle of nowhere. After feeling lost and abandoned for a while I went off to search for transport and eventually found a bus to ride, I got on and asked the driver if the bus went to a town with a train station; he said that it did so I asked what it was called so I’d now when to get off, when he said the name I couldn’t understand him: something like, ‘Osseltwassltwort’, which I asked him to repeat half a dozen times before I gave up and took a seat in the bus.

27-October-2005: I dreamt that I found myself sneaking through a gypsy camp, I was sneaking because I thought they might rough me up or something if they caught me, I only wanted to get to the other side of their camp. It never happened though, I walked around a corner and came face to face with a woman and her middle-aged son, they invited me into their caravan (trailer) and started cooking me vile meals. They seemed to think frying two year old meet pies in a pan was the ultimate in gourmet cooking, the man said, ‘a pie’s not worth eating ‘till it’s at least two years old.’

26-October-2005: I sometimes dream that I can call my car and have it come and pick me up, like it has a mind of its own the car drives itself to wherever I am. Last night I had the same dream, only it was slightly different because it was the first dream where the car was my current car, the Volvo we bought six months ago. In every other dream it’s been another car that I’ve never seen before, or some car from the past that I haven’t owned in years.

25-October-2005: I had a dream that I was part of a panel of judges that had to vote on a group of women and their cars; not young models as one might expect but old women who worked for various charities. There were ten of them in all, they were introduced one by one with details of the charity work they did; then they got in their cars and sat there smiling. We were supposed to judge them on their charity merits, but also on the type of car they’d chosen to drive, the latter making little sense to me. It was so difficult to vote because every time I thought about not voting for one of them I remembered which charity they worked for and wanted to vote for them. The only one of the ten I decided I would definitely not vote for was the first, partly because she was slightly uglier than the rest, but mostly because I couldn’t remember what had been said about her after the subsequent nine contestants had been announced. I have no idea what they were being voted for, what they were supposed to achieve or do by getting the most votes.

24-October-2005: I had a dream that I was in a restaurant in London, England. I was sitting with some friends when I noticed a character from an Australian soap opera (from a few years ago) sitting at a table across the room; I shouted his stage name, ‘Billy!’ and looked away to pretend it wasn’t me. He came over right away and gave my friend signed copies of himself and two vouchers that enabled the bearer a free phone call to him anywhere in the world. Before my friend could say anything someone else came along with some digital music he’d ordered and took the fan memorabilia from him as payment.

23-October-2005: I dreamt that I was in a drama group, we were all taking turns reading extracts from Shakespeare plays; when it got to my turn I sounded just like Patrick Stuart (Shakespearian actor from Star Trek) and told the tale in such a way that you could almost smell the sea and hear the ropes on the sails of a ship straining against the wind.

22-October-2005: I dream that I was a woman (I am not in waking life) walking along a riverside somewhere in the sunshine. I happened across a little pier or jetty with some guy helping this other guy onto a jetbike on the water; the guy helping was frustrated because the other guy kept asking him what different controls were for and, apparently, he had assured the guy earlier that he was an expert jetbike rider. I walked up to them looking all sexy and asked if I could ride one of the other jetbikes parked up on the jetty, the guy rather shallowly said yeah (considering he didn’t know me and was making such a fuss over whether or not the other guy knew what he was doing) and I leapt from the jetty and landed on the bike while simultaneously starting the engine then speeding off down the river like a blonde Lara Croft. The jetbike turned into a road-racing bike after a bit and I did a couple of laps racing some Germans around a racetrack. After that there was something about leading a bunch of old women on a kind of tour up some red ladders, stepping sideways slightly, then down some red ladders that had some snooty French people at the bottom who’d climbed down using ropes. I thought they’d be impressed by my sexiness, but they walked off instead to get on some jetbikes and sped off down a river.

21-October-2005: I dreamt I was sort of living inside a British soap opera called EastEnders; these two gangster-type brothers, Phil and Grant, had returned after a long absence and Grant was talking to me like I was his friend. Everyone was supposed to be scared of them, but they had been gone so long that nobody recognised who they were when they showed up. Grant tried to shoot a pistol into the air to get everyone’s attention, the gun didn’t go off but everyone was still scared nevertheless.

20-October-2005: I was dreaming about being on a plane, flying somewhere far away for the first time in ages. I haven’t been on a long plane flight for a long time and I was quite nervous about it, but just as I was beginning to settle in and get used to flying again this idiot decided to hijack the plane. At first I thought it must be a gang of terrorists but it turned out to be only one guy with a gun, he was holding the captain hostage and talking about making us fly somewhere else, which was really annoying because we were nearly arriving at our destination. A sky martial came up to me, I was lying in a bed with no clothes on, and said that the hijacker wanted to speak to me; I said, ‘But I’m not even dressed, why me?’ then followed up with, ‘How many of the hijackers are there anyway, what are they armed with?’ and the guy told me there was only one person with a pistol. I felt exasperated and got up in a frustrated manner, calling the Mothership to beam the idiot off the plane before he caused any damage. I saw a telepathic image of the ship moving lower into the atmosphere so it could capture the hijacker, but before it could get close enough the gung-ho sky martial stormed the cockpit and chased the incompetent hijacker out, then pursued him down some ladders into the cargo hold and shot him dead.

19-October-2005: I sometimes dream that I’m at the house I grew up in somewhere out front when a helicopter comes along; it always looks as if it’s going to fly by but it always turns around to come back and look at me, then I go inside the house upstairs and the helicopter hovers outside my bedroom window. If I go to the back of the house the plane flies over the roof and hovers near the back windows trying to see me from there. This all happened the same in last night’s dream, only this time the helicopter landed outside at the front of the house and I went outside to take a look. When the pilot got out I started laughing at his plane and saying how primitive it was for having rotor blades; he thought I was being naïve or something, like I hadn’t seen a helicopter before up close, but my mother and brother came along and they laughed too – I said to them, ‘Look at this old thing, it’s using ROTOR blades! Actual blades that spin around to keep it in the air, no wonder it’s so noisy! Bloody dangerous too, you could have somebody’s head of with that thing spinning around.’ Then I asked the pilot if that ever happens and he replied, ‘I suppose…’ I explained to him how stupid he was for using such a silly machine, that he could easily use a simple turbo cooler fan with C-compound fuel instead if he insisted on flying that way. He didn’t know what I was talking about so I got some plastic paper out of my pocket that had a moving diagram of C-compound fuel, showing how the pink liquid consumes sound to create energy and propel the silent fan. The guy seemed very nervous after I showed him the plastic paper with the animated diagram and I began to wonder if we’d all said too much. Later in a different dream I met a friend called Grace at some kind of festival on a sunny field; I showed her the diagram and asked whether or not her husband might be interested in C-compound fuel.

18-October-2005: I had a dream that I was in the Nevada desert in the US with some uber rich kids having a party, they were all kids of state senators and governors, high ranking politicians and such. They had commandeered a low yield nuclear missile, which they were planning to launch at midnight when everyone was nice and drunk as if it were just a big firework instead of a 3 megaton (very small for a nuke) atom bomb. They employed numerous helicopter pilots to sweep the desert floor looking for people that might get killed in the blast, other than that they hadn’t really thought it through. The missile was launched at 12 as planned and flew for about ten miles before detonating just above the desert sand, there was a slight delay before the atomic flash then everyone started whooping with joy as I turned around and ran for it. I went into someone’s house to see if there were any reports of the detonation on the TV but the EMP wave from the blast had buggered everything up, the TV did actually come on but none of the stations were working properly. Later in the dream a nasty atomic cloud had formed and was drifting towards a small town and making everyone very sick very quickly; there was a shot of two train drivers, one of them thought there was nothing to worry about while the other was saying his last prayers as they headed straight through the visible clouds of radiation.

17-October-2005: I had a vague dream about putting a book together with a collection of artwork inside.

16-October-2005: I dreamt that I was in New York City looking at houses to buy. A friend called Dave had come along for the ride, we were across the East River from Manhattan and Dave was talking to a woman about it, asking if it was okay to jump in and swim. The woman said it was very dirt as Dave was close to leaping in and I said that people used to swim in there in the 1950s, but that it doesn’t happen anymore because it’s too polluted. Dave wasn’t sure if this was true so I got a clear glass jar and scooped up some water to show him, only when I lifted the jar it was nearly clear and full of little fish swimming around inside.

15-October-2005: I had a dream that I was at a house I’ve never seen before. The dream seemed to be about posh people and lower class people interacting, with the lower class people somehow trying to be accepted by the posh people. I was one of the lower class people but I wasn’t really trying to suck up to the posh people like some of the others were, it was more like I was observing the phenomenon. The posh people spent ages explaining how it was nothing to do with money, that the lower class people (poorer) simply had no finesse and style. Their whole theory was blown out of the water later when Charlotte Church (Welsh singer) showed up completely drunk and speaking with her lower class accent, but followed by reporters and social leeches, the posh people joined in the parade and they all left together.

14-October-2005: I dreamt that I had an epiphany, that I realised that modern society is just like the society of Ancient Rome – that we are all (in the West at least) living a lifestyle identical to how the Romans would live if they were here now; using sophisticated engineering techniques and technology for our roads, buildings, laws and leisure. I’m not sure why but I was kind of wistful, wishing the likes of Tacitus and Hadrian could see us now.

13-October-2005: I had a dream that I’d been travelling around England by car with my wife, it was sometime in the future and we were somehow involved in selling expensive properties all over the country. We’d travelled so much that I couldn’t remember where we were, but I was pretty sure it was somewhere near Manchester in the North West. When I asked some locals where we were they told me I was on one of the Channel Islands, when I replied that I thought we were near Manchester they all laughed uproariously like it was the funniest things in the world, which it sort of was in the dream.

12-October-2005: I had a dream that I was talking to a guy I don’t know in a town I’ve never seen before; I was describing to him how I could fly 3000 feet straight up into the air, and he was telling me that he’d lost some kind of animal that was very dear to him – so I went to look for it. I eventually found the animal, which could talk, roaming across some green fields; it ran away from me at first but I convinced him that I’d found his old master and that he was missed very much. When I first spotted the animal and thought it was a large brown rat, but it turned out to be Japanese tanuki – a creature from folklore that resembles a badger somewhat but is actually vaguely related to dogs, in the same way a fox is, only they aren’t species compatible – and the guy was very pleased when I brought him back.

11-October-2005: I dreamt I was with my brother on a little bridge over some water called Germany Beck, a stream that flows into the river in York, England. He was annoying me and I pushed him into the water, which was quite deep and he plunged underneath with a big splash. He climbed out of the water very angrily and I said I would push him in again if he started anything, which he did so I did. We repeated the process several times until one time when he went under the water and didn’t come back up again; he hadn’t drowned though, I knew that he’d swam off somewhere underwater.

10-October-2005: I had a dream that I drove to a town called Bradbury, a place somewhere in England that I’m not sure actually exists. I’ve seen the town before in a dream a few months ago but didn’t know what it was called then. Marcia and I got out of the car to get some refreshments at a vending machine; it had a very peculiar arrangement of nozzles and cups and Marcia said, ‘That’s strange, it’s a duel system,’ and this old man next to us in line said, ‘What do you mean ‘dull’, it’s perfectly good coffee?

9-October-2005: I dreamt that I was riding a motorbike very slowly because I had to ride alongside my mother who was walking, I was on the way to take a bike riding skill test. I got to the test area, which was in some woods, and my examiner asked me what the power of my bike was. When I said I didn’t understand he asked me what the Cylinder Capacity was; I then explained that the bike didn’t originally have a cylinder capacity, but my father (a person who doesn’t exist in waking life) gave the bike to me and discovered that learner’s bikes often had a small cylinder in the engine and a maximum speed of about 30 miles per hour, so he placed a small 50cc cylinder in the middle of the engine and reduced its speed to 30mph to make it look right on Earth. I explained that the cylinder didn’t actually do anything, it was just for appearances, and that I could flick three hidden switches and make the bike go 300mph. My examiner thought I was joking and told me to ride the obstacle course, which I did and completed very easily.

8-October-2005: I dreamt that I woke up and was filling out my dream diary that I keep next to the bed, it took me a while after waking up to realise that I hadn’t filled it out at all and that my dream was actually about writing in the diary. I can’t remember what I wrote about in the dream.

7-October-2005: I had a dream that my wife and I were in the future in some kind of weird Japan-like country where everyone was supposed to be ‘labelled’. There were these flying robot things always popping out from tubes in the ground and scanning people, making sure they had proper identification, that they were properly labelled. Marcia and I had never gotten around to being properly labelled, we’d grown up in the countryside where people knew little if such things and been too busy when we moved to this big city. I’d somehow become famous amongst a group of people, rebels, that were deliberately unlabeled – they were actively helping the two of us stay ‘underground’ and out of the system loop. One time there was this sort of exhaust that spewed the checker robots that need fixing out into the air to be sucked into some kind of force field vacuum machine; Marcia was standing a bit too close to it, we weren’t even supposed to be outside, and it beeped as it was sucked past her into oblivion because she wasn’t labelled. I thought we might have got away with it, the scan bleep only lasted half a second, but it was all over the TV screens in bars and houses that an unlabelled female and possible unlabelled companion were caught on record hanging about a robot disposal shoot Outside the city. From then on the rest of the dream was the normal brainwashed citizens running around like crazed loonies thinking they were all going to die; security police searching for the two of us, aided by flying checker bots; and secret underground forces ushering us through secret doors.

6-October-2005: I dreamt that I’d been invited to an art college in Budapest (Hungary, Magyar and so on) with my mother and some other people I can’t quite remember. When we got to Budapest train station I went off on my own thinking I’d remember my way to the college after an 11 year absence, of course I took a wrong turning on my bicycle and got completely lost. Also, for some reason, I found that I was on the wrong side of the Danube to be in Buda where I was supposed to be, but I don’t remember crossing any bridges to get to the Pest side of town. I eventually wandered into the building that wasn’t the place I was meant to be, but by pure chance I happened across my old art teacher who was just then showing the class an old book of drawings I’d made years and years ago. I asked her where the college was I was meant to be at and my old teacher pointed me in the right direction, I’d taken a left fork in the road instead of a right fork on the edge of town. When I got to the right place everyone else was already there, the professor in the class introduced me as ‘the one who made the split up photographs of all the trains’. We had been invited back to give this year’s students some none-Hungarian inspiration. The dream later developed into a mock battle, or war game, with some visiting Russian soldiers.

5-October-2005: I dreamt something Mrs Moss drives Morris Minor into a ditchabout been in an old Morris Minor car with an old woman called Mrs Moss, a real person that I used to know in waking life who was well known for driving fast and dangerously even in her old age. In this dream Mrs Moss was even older than I remember, nearly blind and still driving as fast as ever; only now she couldn’t see where she was going so we kept veering off the road and nearly running people down. She eventually parked up outside her friend’s house in what she thought was a legitimate parking space, but was actually a sloping area of grass that formed one side of a ditch next to the road.

4-October-2005: I had a dream that two armies had travelled through time to invade York in England, the first army was from medieval times and the second army was from way in the future. The two armies had no connection with each other apart from the fact that they both jumped through time and space to be here. My friends and I were a military group that was studying the first army in medieval times and we were quite surprised when they disappeared and went forward in time to the 21st Century; we followed them here to send them back or sort them out, neither of which was expected to be a difficult task. Only when we got here we found the medieval army had been mostly wiped out by the invading army from the future, who believed the medieval army to be the local contemporary military. My friends wanted to leave this century as the reason we’d come in the first place had been wiped out, I had to convince them to stay and save the town from the army of the future, they didn’t want to and argued that they were nothing to do with us. I pointed out that it was our job to sort out time anomalies, that our boss would more than likely send us after them eventually anyway; we were in the lucky position of catching them unawares, thinking we were a medieval culture – they would be surprised by the unexpected 21st Century weapons and subsequent retaliation, and doubly surprised when we backed up the locals with our own-out-of-time weapons. They eventually agreed to help, mostly because they thought they would have to eventually anyway rather than any sense of compassion for 21st Century people.

3-October-2005: I was dreaming about being in a small town in West Africa with my friend Mark , and the writer of Discworld novels, Terry Pratchett. We were being guided into the bush for a paintball game; our hosts offered us alcoholic drinks but Mark and I declined, thinking it a little too early and possibly dangerous in such heat, but Mister Pratchett accepted a bottle of beer with some relish, which quite surprised me at the time. I decided to start hovering cross-legged and chase down our quarry, peppering them with green paint from above as Terry and Mark came in on foot from the flanks. We won the game and I was kind of hoping that Terry would be impressed with my ability to hover.

2-October-2005: I had a dream with yet another friend from childhood, this time it was Richard Cass. We were in the desert looking at the Suez Canal, I was telling him how odd I’d always thought the watery thoroughfare was striking through the dry sand the way it does, perfectly flat and straight, never drying up and slightly hidden from view until you were almost upon it, so the ships looked like they were sailing across the desert.

1-October-2005: I dreamt that I was with an old friend from childhood, Jason Carlton, and my mother in our back garden at the house where I grew up. My mother was talking about building another building at the back of the garden, she was saying how she’d like to but it wasn’t possible because of a layer of concrete under the ground causing flooding every time it rained, she said it would be too hard to dig up. I told her that it would be easy if we hired a pneumatic jackhammer, which Jason and me did and set about digging up all the old concrete under the ground.