Dreaming LifeDreaming Life

31-May-2003: I was in Japan and I came across their latest craze; the karate vending machine! You could order a fight and set how difficult it is for you to win, and the number of opponents and fighting style. You could have karate, jui jutsu, judo, aikido and even a couple of foreign styles like taikwondo and kung fu. I chose kung fu (Lau Gar style) with ten opponents on medium difficulty, not really sure what to expect. Then I got a quick behind the scenes flash; where ten Japanese men were quickly changing into Mandarin suits in a room behind the vending machine. In a short time they all came running out and we had a big film style kung fu foray on a grassy knoll. After I had defeated them all, a female Japanese game-show host came running up with a hose and sprayed us all with water to cool us down…

30-May-2003: I was a student again at St John’s university; staying in a small flat with a Japanese man and woman, and German man. I met the girl on the stairs and we walked up to our flat together, holding hands; I think we wanted to tell the others that we were an item now. When we got there though the other two men, the Japanese and the German, were arguing with our landlord; a tight fisted Chinese man. The German was hurling verbal abuse at him and the landlord was replying in German, then Japanese and, as we walked in, he turned to me and said his speech over again in English. The girl thought it was all too crazy and waited outside in the hall. I told everyone to calm down in the three different languages not my own. The landlord had made the four of us a huge cake as a welcome to his ‘lovely’ apartment; he’s also made four large plates with willow pattern on for us to eat the cake off. It all seemed very nice until Ralph told me in German that the skinny long-bearded idiot of a Chinaman was trying to make us pay for the cake and plates! Mister Yau insisted that the money was all part of the bond and that he didn’t mean any harm… Before we could get any further an enormous heavy buzzing rattled the building as some kind of aircraft scudded overhead. I said, ‘I didn’t think I’d see those again.’ And the landlord asked, ‘what? What did you see?’

I said, ‘We have to get downstairs quickly, they’re Line Jumpers!’ When I got puzzled looks I continued, ‘High tech from the future? Bombers, bombers! They’re going to start dropping bombs!’ As I said it a shiny silver bomb ripped half a neighbouring building away and we all ran down the stairwell, grabbing Sachiko on the way, and went to hide under the bottom flight of stairs. When the initial bombing wave stopped I ran outside and used some kind of ‘words of power’ and directed spider-web-thin beams of matter at the bombers. They were rendered useless and floated down to earth like leaves from an autumn tree; the occupants were arrested and the hostile take over thwarted.

29-May-2003: I was Michael Knight from the 1980’s TV series ‘Knight Rider’. I couldn’t stop playing with all the gadgets in the car. I was bombing down a country road on my way to Atlanta, hitting ‘turbo boost’ every time it recharged, Kit kept telling me to stop it but it was such a rush I couldn’t help myself. Of course it wasn’t long before the car was knackered, we rolled in to a local country garage with a broken clutch. I told the man who ran the garage that my car probably just needed a new clutch plate but he told me that’s what they all say, it usually turns out to be much more. I had the feeling he was trying to rip me off, squeeze more money out of the city boy. I was vehement about it just being the clutch and hoped I was right; knowing the clutch can be fixed from underneath and that I wouldn’t have to open the bonnet/hood and let the mechanic see all the fancy engine parts. When we got a look underneath the car though, it was all sealed off with armour plating so the mechanics would have to use a cutting torch to get in.

It was then that the garage’s bizarre daily role-playing got underway, a man rushed out of an office in a really poor Darth Vader outfit; I cried out, to play along with them, ‘Oh my God, it’s Vader!’ And we had a little pretend light sabre fight until I accidentally hit the mechanic in the eye with the polythene rod I was wielding. Before the man could kick up too much of a fuss, the character we had all being waiting for came running out across the shop floor dressed in a blue suit. Someone shouted, ‘Look, he’s here! It’s Mister Pepper.’ And we all shouted Mister Pepper and ran after him…

28-May-2003: I was in York sometime in the not-to-distant future; the sky was all swirls of purple and pink from and accident to do with the sun and a comet in a dream I had a few months ago. There was a strange kind of vapour-like cloud floating up into the sky in a slightly different fashion to the other clouds; I knew something really bad was going to happen. A bit later I was in a shopping mall when the building began to shake, or sort of subside. We all thought it was the building that was unstable but, when we got outside, the streets and other buildings were doing the same thing; everywhere was in a panic. It was a bit like walking on a waterbed everywhere you went; it was making me feel sick. I decided to start flying from then on to try and find a spot where the earth was stable and get everyone to it. I was thinking of telling everyone to run for the hills and the countryside to get away from the unstable town when I saw hundreds of country dwellers in trucks and tractors making there way to the towns to see what was going on.

The tremors and undulations did eventually stop and it was read out over the public news channel that there was a massive build up of gas under the Earth’s crust, caused by hundreds of years of dumping waste in landfill sites. The gas was being steadily vented off into the atmosphere and causing earthquakes all over the world; we would just have to get used to it.


27-May-2003: I was a Kung Fu master travelling the land, teaching people how to walk on water. I had a servant that had travelled with me for many years who never spoke. We were down by the river Thames up in the Cotswolds and I was teaching a group of tourists how to skate across water without getting your feet wet when another Kung Fu master came to challenge me. My servant became angered and spoke for the first time since I’d known him, ‘You! You will pay for the suffering you caused me!' And began fighting the intruder with a skill I could only imagine; henceforth my servant was the new master and I his pupil. I told me how once he had being a king in a small unknown country near the border of Bhutan; he had a beautiful queen and a baby princess. He described the many jewels involved in the baby’s ‘welcoming to life’ celebration and the wonderful mists that surrounded their home. How idyllic it all was until an army of unfriendly soldiers came and forced him to leave.

He and his family moved to Scarborough, on the northeast coast of England, to live out their life beyond persecution. Every year in Scarborough there was a street walking and cycling rally that came past his home and, nearly every time, there was a little bit of trouble with the police; broken windows, drunkenness but nothing too serious. He looked out of the window on this day and predicted that there would be no trouble this day. Unfortunately a very evil man overheard his prediction and decided to prove him wrong. He went outside and persuaded a bunch of revellers to break some of his windows and give him a fright. Unfortunately the message was misunderstood because the revellers were very drunk and completely wrecked his house. They tied the front of his house to a large camper truck with a steel cable. The driver of the camper was an old man with his wife sitting next to him; when they heard the noise they panicked and the old man drove his truck into the wild North Sea, pulling the house with him. My master had escaped but his wife and child were pulled into the sea with the house, he had never spoken since that day till seeing once again the evil man that caused his misery.


26-May-2003: Decided to move to New York, USA. But keep a house in York, England. I arrived in America with my mum and step-dad (who I never see anymore), and was tirelessly trying to explain to my stepfather that he has to drive on the right side of the road and go anti-clockwise around roundabouts. As normally happens in my dreams where my step-dad is driving, we crashed outside a small station called ‘Skaramelgamesh’ and the city skyline of Manhattan (our intended destination) could be seen miles away in the distance. I got on the train for New York with my mother and my stepfather was no longer there. When we got off the train in New York and after we’d walked the streets for a few hours, we came across a couple of young kids down an alley playing with knives. My mother decided to go up to them, trying on her social worker skills, and ask them to teach us how to play baseball. My mum’s accent went from her normal voice to sounding like Daphne from ‘Frasier’ an American comedy about a psychiatrist with lots of problems. My mum was asking the kids jokingly how they managed to get there feet so dirty and why they weren’t worried about being out in a neighbourhood like this. Their strong New York accent and my mother’s new Daphne accent were not compatible; neither could understand the other.

All I wanted to do was find somewhere to live but we decided to stay in a nice Manhattan hotel and look for an apartment or house the next day. We never did find a house; my mum moved away to Albany and I, having sold a book I’d written on the plane on the way over, could afford to stay in the hotel on the top floor.


25-May-2003: I was trying to get the boot closed at the back of my vintage Daimler when a jet plane flew over head at an awkward angle, I told my driver that the plane was going to crash but he thought I was being silly; until there was a huge boom and a huge orange mushroom of flames lighting up the night sky, from inside the army barracks where the plane hit. Another six or seven planes followed the first so that the whole area was on fire. An old guard came running out from the from of the army base screaming about Russians and Communists, the Communists had planted sneaky Russian devices into the planes to make them crash where they did. On the news the next day it was revealed that the devices were of Indian origin and that the whole of Asia in general was trying to bring about the rise of Communism. All Asians are ordered to leave the United States of America! The news headlines read.

I knew that something was wrong and made it my mission to uncover the plot that discredited the Asian people. At first it seemed that the Russians were behind it after all but they were being manipulated by a group of Australian drug barons, whom I discovered were secretly learning to speak Portuguese. This lead me to Brazil where I was almost certain the government was corrupt; but it turned out that the whole scheme was being masterminded by a highly secret organisation based in the Azores and funded directly by the Portuguese government in an attempt to make Portugal an international superpower.


24-May-2003: York university has a large lake, about 1.3km long. At one end of it is a little dam that allows water to overflow into a stream that runs alongside Fulford golf course. My brother and I were trying to block off a pipe that lets water run through the bottom of the dam; I stuck a crisp packet in the pipe and it completely blocked off the water. A different pipe burst and tonnes of water, mixed with foam, came gushing out. Soon the whole area was a mass of bubbles and foam and people were running to escape suffocation. My brother and I ran off into a building and there was a guy there taking a register; when he noticed me he asked what my name was and I looked around to see what my brother was doing, but he had gone. I said I had to leave to find my brother and the man said I’d have to be quick or I’d be locked out. When I got outside my brother was running towards me away from the growing foam being chased by a gang of people that had been forced out of the gym next to the dam by the foam. My brother signalled for me to stay out of it so I didn’t get hurt. After he’d run past with the mob chasing him I decided I couldn’t leave him on his own and ran after them all. When I got there and fought off a few people my brother had just finished fighting with a black guy and they both had cuts on their faces; nevertheless, they were arm in arm and laughing. The whole gang of us started chatting and making friends.

Next I was on my way to school and kept forgetting things, like books and pens etc, and had to keep going back home to get them. When I finally got through the school gates I met a kid I’d never seen before and was telling him about my dreams, how sometimes there are huge bolts of lightning that can destroy buildings. He said that lightning used to be the hand of God smiting the Earth; and that He would again come the end. I just laughed and thought he seemed like a strange kid. Then there was a huge bolt of lightning that lit up a dull morning sky. Instead of going away though like lightning is supposed to it formed itself into a huge hand that filled up the sky and a booming voice announced, ‘Hear me, for I am your God. Salvation can be found here!’ the hand pointed south-west towards Leeds, ‘Yes, here! At Mike’s Carpets we have bargains sent from heaven on sofas beds and carpets. That’s Mike’s Carpets, Armley Road, Leeds.’ I looked at the kid a bit bewildered but he told me how the advertising companies could interrupt the weather now…


23-May-2003: Pulling some amazing aerials on a BMX around York university and impressing loads of people with my ultra coolness. Winded up down by the lake betting a crowd of people that I could walk right across the lake on the surface of the water. They all thought I was mad and paid up but I got all their money because I can always walk on water in my dreams; can’t remember much else...


22-May-2003: I was with a group of friends trying to decide how we were going to get to a party; whose car to use. I’d just bought a really small blue car that could only fit three passengers in and there were about fifteen of us. In the end I took four people and the rest had to walk, but it didn’t really matter because the party was only around the corner and we all got there at the same time. This guy called Mark Rowley was running the party, and I was a bit worried about being there as he is a bit of a psychopath. I was only drinking lemonade because I was hoping to sneak out after everyone was drunk and drive off. This strange man that I’ve never seen before was doing something with bits of cannabis that made it split into hundreds of tiny pieces then expand and float into the air like lots of hash balloons. The balloons were popping around everyone’s heads and releasing thick blue smoke; I was starting to be affected by the smoke so I left earlier than intended, hoping Mark wouldn’t notice.

I got outside and started walking down the street hoping that Mark wouldn’t come out after me and drag me back to the party; he’d once told me that he’d break my arm if I didn’t go on holiday with him. Just then a girl wearing a dressing gown half open at the front came riding by on a unicycle; it was a girl I used to fancy, but nothing came of it, called Lisa. I waved at her as she rode past but she didn’t seem to notice me till she was a bit down the road. When she stopped I thought she was coming back to say hello but instead she went into the house with the party, so I walked home. I was just sitting down in front of the television, ready to start drinking some cider, when I realised I’d left my little blue car at the party. I was worried that Mark might kick the headlights in if he notices I’ve gone. I ran out of the house and up the street, using telepathy to start the car and quietly drive it away from the house towards me. When I met the car I got in and drove it home but decided not to park it outside my house in case Mark saw it on his way home and wrecked it.


21-May-2003: I bumped into a guy called Terry I used to work with years ago and offered to take his dog, Otto, for a walk. I took him down to the ‘Low Moor’ which is like a huge field with cows grazing where folks take their dogs walking. When we got there the council had erected a tollbooth and were charging people to get in; it’s supposed to be a large plot of common land that belongs to nobody. I thought it might be a temporary thing, charging about ten pence to raise funds; but when I got to the front of the queue they told me it was permanent and would cost me one pound to get in. I said it was ridiculous; some people have to walk their dogs three times a day, that’d be an extra twenty-one pounds a week on the bills. Anyway, Otto bit him and said he was a dirty robber…

I decided to try and find somewhere else to take Otto before I realised that the dog had spoken to the man. Otto told me all dogs can talk but choose not to and that the man had made him so angry that he couldn’t help himself; he also made me promise not to tell Terry and I said of course, not like he’d believe me anyway…


20-May-2003: I was in Brighton again trying to find a big television because I was sick of my little portable thing. I went looking in dozens of shops and all they had were little televisions, or radios with tiny TV screens on. When I did find a big screen it was an old wooden black and white set that only played George Formbey films, tempting. I couldn’t afford it though because I only had ten pounds and the set cost thirty-two pounds. I had in my pocket what I call a ‘Transporter Pip’, a tiny black disc, that I use for teleporting large amounts of material back home so I don’t have to carry it; or if it’s too large to move on my own. I was on the look-out for a decent electrical shop with large-screen TVies, I was going to stick the pip onto one that I liked and steal it; knowing the staff in the shop wouldn’t have a clue what happened to it.

I went through with it in a different reality to see what would happen, I had a really stupid friend with me; a bit like Stan Laurel. I found a nice TV and, when no one was looking and the closed circuit camera was pointing the wrong way, I attached the pip and the set disappeared; leaving a huge gap on the shelf. Just then some shop workers came out of the staff room right in front of the empty shelf space and started panicking; shouting ‘how the hell could this happen?’, and ‘someone must have noticed’ looking at me and Stan suspiciously. I said jokingly, ‘maybe somebody simply beamed it out of the shop, like in Star Trek.’ Then Stan started saying how you could use the pip to move all kinds of heavy objects from one place to another instantly, not realising he was speaking out loud…

I decided that wasn’t going to work, it would cause too much chaos and confusion. Then realised the transporter would be able to make a copy of the TV as it was being teleported and send the original back to the shop; which is what I did in the end.


19-May-2003: I was attempting some kind of ‘round-the-world trip by hitchhiking on different boats and ships. I met this old Japanese man at the Panama Canal and was telling him all about it; how it was first started by Ferdinand de Lesseps in 1882 but was abandoned because he ran out of money. I told him how it was restarted by the Americans to provide a quicker route for their warships and that the main canal took ten years to finish. I was telling him that the first ship past through in 1914 and how they use this huge lake up the hills, where I pointed, to flood the great lock and bring his ship to the right height; all in the hope that he would give me a lift across the Pacific. When his boat came into view though it was a little South American thing made out of straw or something and shaped a bit like a Chinese sampan.

He had loaded it up with lots of rice and we set off into the vast ocean. When I asked him his first port of call, he told me he was going to Birmingham (England) and that the only glimpse of land we might see before then would be a corner of New Zealand in about a month! I was beginning to panic then and wanted to get off and was wondering if I should allow myself to be able to fly in this dream when a huge typhoon hit us and the Japanese man was thrown overboard trying to protect his rice. The last I heard of him he shouted something like, ‘good luck’. I was also thrown out of the little boat but could see a larger vessel not far away so I swam for it. When I got aboard it turned out to be a band of pirates. They were trying to get me to do chores but I said I wasn’t taking orders from thieves and murderers, I said I’d talk only to one man; and pointed to a guy in a sailor’s uniform. The sailor man said, with a Spanish accent, ‘Don’t be fooled by my clothes amigo; hard times lead to desperate measures.’

After some time we landed at a port in Africa somewhere and I was taken to market to be sold, only to be rescued by a swaggering drunkard with an uncanny skill with a sword; the swordsman looked a lot like a six-foot-tall Oliver Reed. We all began singing,

Fear, Fear the drunken swordsman, Fear, Fear the drunken swordsman, Fear, Fear the drunken swordsman, The six foot drunken swordsman.

Fear, Fear the drunken swordsman, Fear, Fear the drunken swordsman, Fear, Fear the drunken swordsman, The scary drunken swordsman!


18-May-2003: I took a small pod from the mothership for a spin around the planet and came across a new space station I hadn't seen before. I tried to contact them but got no reply and no one interfered with me as I docked with a little hatch on the side of a rotating ring. I never need a space suit when I'm in any of my ships but I was a bit worried about going across to the new one without a suit. I didn't need to worry though, the space station made an airtight tube extend to my ship and filled it with atmosphere. I crawled into the tube and, feeling a little claustrophobic, closed my hatch behind me. When I opened the entrance to the space station the inside of the ring was rotating to create gravity. My body was halfway through the door and half experiencing gravity. I was facing the floor but, as it rotated to the right away from me, it seemed to turn into the ceiling in my peripheral vision; the sensation was making me feel sick. I thought of turning back but soldiered on anyway, it didn't feel so bad once I was in there. I walked along to the right but came to a dead end where there was a little waste bin covered in hazard tape; so I turned back. Just after I passed the point where I came in there was a large door leading off with a plaque above it reading, 'Welcome aboard the Pensione' and under that was another message in little welcoming letters 'Entrata libera; ingresso libero'. It seemed the space station was run and owned by Italians. Although there were some people in white lab coats, there was no evidence of any scientific endeavour and plenty of scope for enjoying one's self. There was a huge open-plan cinema, currently playing 'Shrek', with cushions and big soft sofas placed randomly across the station.After some wandering I came to a market place where people were screaming, trying to get out. When the room cleared I could see three rats scurrying along the back of a sofa and a scientist releasing a little white mouse from a plastic box. The mouse went for the rats, that were at least five times bigger, with the ferocity of a tiger. Within seconds the rats were a mangled mess on the floor and the mouse was back in the clear plastic box being carried away by the woman in the lab coat. I stayed the night there; my room was facing away from the Earth but still had a spectacular view of the stars. I wanted to stay a bit longer but they said if I didn't go that morning I'd have to wait another week before I could leave because they needed to do something with the hatch. I wasn't sure my nerves and claustrophobia could hold out for a whole week with no chance of getting out, so I thanked them and left.


17-May-2003: I had so many dreams it's diffiult to sort them out. The last one was all based in Brighton (English south coast) where I used to live. I was staying at Maja's (an old friend) house and we were reading some star charts, nothing to do with astrology, of nearby galaxies before Maja had to go to work at a design studio. Later on, at night, I was walking around the town bars trying to find Maja thinking she probably went for a drink after work. She wasn't in any of the usual places but I heard her distinct laughter coming from a strange bar I'd never been to before. She was talking about different designers to a group of wine bar lizards who were laughing a lot too, mostly at nothing in particular. I found some money on the floor, ten pounds, and nobody seemed to have dropped it, so I used it at the bar to buy a drink. The barmaid gave me a five pound note and a huge pile of pound coins, so the change was about thirty pounds; then she smiled at me saying, 'you'd better take this too.' And handed me a fifty pound note. I couldn't fit all the coins in my wallet and some of them spilled out into my pocket. On the floor was a clip of money wedged between the bar and the wall, so I picked that up too.

Every time I bought a drink I received lots more money back than I paid and wondered if hangovers were as bad when you came home a lot richer every time you went out on a drinking spree. Maja had noticed me and was about to come over, so I decided it would be a laugh to run off downstairs for her to chase me. When I got to the basement I found the toilets and went into the men's. As I was taking a leak I saw my wallet on a shelf next to me and picked it up to put it in my pocket but found that my wallet was already in my pocket. On checking the new wallet I discovered thousands of pounds inside and thought I should hand it in at the bar upstairs; but when I checked for i.d. it was all photos of me and cards with my name on them. Went on to a dream about a steam powered airoplane made out of evergreen trees....


16-May-2003: Extremely erratic dream jumping from one quantum dimention to another. The mothership came down in my old back garden invisible. I gave the command for it to show itself but it remained ellusive; my mother and i had to fumble around to find the door. When we got inside all the controls were mixed up, nothing made any sense. I tried to take off but all it did was switch dimentions so we were still in the same place but the sky and grass had changed colour. After another jump we had to retreat into the house because, out of an orange sky, giant hail stones about ten metres across were falling onto the neighbourhood as if some malign force was propelling them there. Also the mothership didn't make the final jump so we were stuck in this crazy dimention with an orange gaseous sky and some evil force bent on destruction. There was alien writing all over the house unlike anything I've ever seen and yet there was still a sense of normality; it was my old house and it was still my dream so I found the source of the bombardment (some old man at the end of the garden) and told him to stop it. Then I made a friend of mine appear, Tamsin, whom I haven't seen for a very long time and was just getting used to the idea when...woke up.


15-May-2003: A lengthy dream in the style of a gritty police drama. I had been cycling in the countryside when I was ran over by a large lorry and woke up back at my childhood home after been in a coma for a few months. A policeman and policewoman were always asking me questions about the accident; the woman was trying to suggest that it was my fault, that I had been drinking or something. My brother was there with a hole in his trousers, he seemed embarrassed about it and was only about ten years old (he's 31 now). I finally remembered a number plate on the back of a motorbike driving away from the accident before the police and ambulance got there. It turned out that I was on my way to meet the man on the motorbike to buy his bike off of him; he was drunk when he came speeding down the country lane and headed straight for the guy in the big truck. The lorry driver had to swerve to avoid him but didn't see me and ran me over. The lorry driver was a friend of the bike rider and let him get away and took the blame himself. The biker had committed other crimes that day, one of them murder; a large investigation was underway to track him down when I got bored and started dreaming of other things....


14-May-2003: I had invented a device to make you invisible and was employed by Buckingham Palace to test their security measures. The woman in charge of security at the palace assured me that it wouldn't make any difference that I was invisible; that she and her team would still be able to catch me. I got up to the actuall building undetected but as I ducked under a barrier I triggered off an alarm. A dozen or so armed men came running out of a hut and I ran straight towards them then stopped in the middle of a lawn. They spent ages trying to find me, sweeping up and down the lawn and missing me by millimetres sometimes. One of the men had the muzzle of an M16 assault rifle nearly touching my face with me holding my breath as he explained that they had lost me and I could be anywhere by now. As they were walking away I switched off the device and shouted 'I'm here!' The woman in charge said I'd done well but she'd get me next time and gave me a huge pile of cash. I said seeing I was loaded and none of us were famous, why didn't we walk into town and buy lots of clothes and shoes...


13-May-2003: Riding on a London red bus with my step-father driving like a maniac through a red-neck town in America. He was swerving all over the road and diliberately smashing into parked cars and laughing uproarously; as was I. He slammed into one car which slammed into a line of others like pool balls, the last car went cannoning off towards a grocery store and knocked down a fat man in a big cowboy hat. We arrived at our destination, some relative's house, smashing through scrap machinary in the front yard and attempting to knock down a fence but running dead stop into a concrete post instead. Some nieghbours came out to see what all the noise was about, but simply chuckled and spat when they saw the huge red bus crashed and steaming in the front yard.

The inside of the house smelled of old people and cats and there was an old man in crutches whom I followed into a room and started chatting; the man was a little crazy. After a few minutes I realised this was not the man we had come to see and that I had followed him and talked to him by mistake. I was about to get up when my step-dad came bustling in with two other men in dirty white under-shirts brandishing large bottles of hooch and hugging each other. One of them had turned on the TV set and I couldn't help thinking that all the commercials/adverts were exactly the same as the ones we get at home, and being vaguely disappointed that they weren't somehow a bit more interesting due to being in a different country... woke up.


12-May-2003: Living in a sleezy shack in a rundown town in Hungary; I was working for some kind of propaganda machine and wanting to escape. After being caught a number of times I finally escaped out of a window and flew away south-west towards Yugoslavia; using my suitcase as a sail for extra speed. I wanted to go to Belgrade but it was all burning and smoking from Tesla coils guarding street cornersan attack and there were giant Tesla coils on all the street corners, sending lightning at people trying to escape the mayhem. I ended up back at my house in England and lived there peacefully for a few months till one day a group of Hungarian tourist and paperazzi showed up to see the famous war photogragher (me) and have it out with him. There was a skinny naked girl living downstairs and she freaked, when they kicked the front door down, and ran down the back garden towards the secret bunker. I jumped out of a back window and followed her. The entrance to the bunker is very small and I was a bit afraid of going in because I'm claustrophobic, but we went in anyway and closed the door behind us and programmed it to look like a rusty drain cover. We could see via camera the Hungarians milling about on the surface trying to find us. They had found the little rusty drain cover and were trying to get in; even though it was impossible to get in they had come closer to finding the bunker than anyone else in the past, so I had them teleported to one of the main chambers.

The chamber was so luxurious that they said they wanted to stay there forever; a few wanted to leave so I had them teleported home with their memories wiped. I began showing the Hungarians how huge and complex the underground facility was and uncovered an electronic war map of the Earth; along with a machine that sends an energy pulse across the surface which turns all bone matter into jelly. An alarm sounded announcing a worker revolt; when I got to a central yard some workers had hijacked a few bulldozers and were knocking down some of my buildings. I sat down and had a chat with them about what they wanted then secretly asked the computer to teleport them to the surface and have their memories removed. Woke up.


11-May-2003: My ex-wife, Masayo, was telling me how she would like to be friends with me again and I thought it was great; something I'd been hoping would happen for a long time. I was at some kind of government training facility surrounded by lots of people I know when my best friend (in this dream only) Holly Valence came along looking upset. I went over to see what was wrong with her and another friend, Lubna (real), came over too. After a while there were about six people around her trying to find out what was wrong with her. She wanted everyone to promise not to tell anyone else and I was thinking that some of the people there are not all that reliable for keeping secrets. I used soul speak to ask her what was wrong so no one else could understand. She didn't seem shocked as if I had done it before a few times but, as I am the only one that speaks it, she couldn't reply in the same way. Holly chose a select few and got them to stand either side of her while I held her hands, looking straight at her. She finally told us that she was pregnant and I said how stupid I was for not guessing and using my extra senses to merely look and see. I did look and see and told her the feotus was four months, two weeks, three days, one and a half hours and twenty two point two seconds old. Holly asked me if I was sure it was point two seconds.


10-May-2003: With my mother and my grandad (not living now) walking through a huge party of old people enjoying a banquet; all taking it in turns to stop and stare at us as we walked along between two banks of people. They kept calling my grandad 'Mister Devo'; 'Oh look, it's Mister Devo,' and the name 'Devo' was being generally whispered about the room, along with affirmations that they didn't know who the other two were, my mum and I that is; some addressed him directly as 'Guv'ner. When we got through the party we emerged into a one story house, built by the local council, perched precariously on the inside of the battlements that surround the city where I live; where normally dafoldils grow. My mum set to buttering scones and eating them and my grandad went off tinkering with something in another part of the house. When I looked out of the window I could see the front of the house my grandparents used to live in when I was a baby till I was about eight; I thought how odd it would be to live here and seeing the house every day that you used to live in all those years ago. I went to another room to check out the view from that window and found that it was impossibly high up, with the city walls about one hundred feet below. I went back to the first room where my mum was frantically scraping the last bits of butter out of a tub and applying it to a scone; I had some carrot cake then woke up.

09-May-2003: I was at my old house that I grew up in and my old friend Lewis was there; he asked me to go upstairs to see if Josh (not a real person) was there and if he had some drugs. I went upstairs and found a guy with blonde dreadlocks sleeping on the floor and told him Lewis was looking for him; he said the scrounger was only after some hash and that he can't be bothered with him. I told him I didn't want any because I can't stand the stuff and was secretly glad that Lewis wasn't going to get any. It was then that I looked out of the window and noticed three ten-foot-tall leeks with spikes on growing in the back garden and went downstairs to tell Lewis. Lewis was only interested in Josh and his drugs so I went outside to look at the strange plants; when I got to them there was a hippy from next door picking grass (not cannibis) and flowers from around the giant leeks. I jumped on top of the leeks and began slowly leaping from one to the other, a bit like astronaughts jump around on the moon. The hippy asked me how I was jumping so high and so slowly and I had to explain to him how the gravity was a little less severe where I come from. I asked him if he wanted to see the secret bunker that runs under the back garden and the house...woke up