Dreaming LifeDreaming Life

31-March-2009: I dreamt that I was at my writing group and that an old member, as in one who doesn't come any more, called Barbara was really shocked when I shouted a curse word. In fact she was lost for words and embarrassed by my crude language.

30-March-2009: I had a dream that high-schools were adopting a new teaching technique where pupils were only made to do subjects they were good at, even if it meant searching out new subjects for those who appeared to be bad at all the regular subjects.

29-March-2009: I was dreaming about being on the Queen Mary 2 cruise ship and I was interested in a beautiful Chinese girl who I thought was falling for my charms, only it turned out she set the whole thing up with her friend who was hiding in their cabin, waiting to steal my wallet if I took my clothes off.

28-March-2009: I had a dream about an old moorland house with very deep foundations and that I was staying in the cellar with Marcia, my wife.

27-March-2009: I sometimes have abstract thoughts and visions about the shape of a week, where it's an oval in my mind but in reality the model doesn't work because you can't have two even sides and two even ends when you've only got seven segments to play with. In my dream last night I dreamt that I'd come up with the solution to plotting the exact opposite of the middle of the week using a pizza with holes in it.

26-March-2009: I was dreaming about my stepdad getting annoyed because I kept making jokes about him being cheap.

25-March-2009: I had a dream that I was talking to a friend called Garner though a headset while he talked on a phone to the Microsoft helpline.

24-march-2009: I had a dream that a large part of my pony tail came off and that, in my dreams, I normally just reattach it but I decided to throw it away in the bin instead.

23-March-2009: I had a dream that I was on SAS (Special Air Service) training with a childhood friend called Sean Easton. I was already in the SAS so I'd already done the training, but that just made it harder for me because they all expected me to do everything better than the new people.

22-March-2009: I had a dream that I'd found a secret overnight library on a street called New Walk Terrace where hidden geeks and dorks read books and played Warhammer and Dungeons and Dragons etc.  I was some kind of alien being or visitor from another time and didn't really understand what they were all talking about, and even started crying, with my eyes glowing orange, when no one would tell me what a cooker was, which I heard someone mention as they read a Jane Austen novel out loud to everyone.

21-March-2009: I had a dream that I was at an outdoor vampire party and we were all getting thrills from sucking each other's blood.

20-March-2009: I had a dream that I was struggling to get my fingers to cover the holes properly on a huge tin whistle.

19-March-2009: I had a dream that I was younger and my mother had bought a Bengal Tiger as a pet. The tiger was supposed to be nice, like owning a dog, but I couldn't stop thinking that it's a wild animal and worrying that it would maul me to death when no one was looking.

18-March-2009: I had a dream based around an area of York (where I live) called Clementhorpe, which in waking life is just a few streets with two pubs and mostly old people living there. In the dream Clementhorpe was a rough ghetto with different gangs, like 1960s East End London. I was with a guy called Phil Mitchell (a character from a British TV soap opera called EastEnders) and we were looking for a rival gang in pubs so we could shoot them before they shot us.

17-March-2009: I had a dream that I was in Huddersfield again, this time on my own in a little shopping arcade. I went into a Chinese store and saw a pretty Chinese girl working there. I wanted to have an affair with her but she wasn't interested.

16-March-2009: I had a dream that I was with a young autistic guy called Josh (the younger brother of a friend called Nathan) in a town called Huddersfield next to a lake. We'd somehow caught a huge haul of fish, like a whole truck load, and took them to a factory to get immersed in oil so we could sell them to a company for packing. We took them to a canned fish company where the boss came to taste of fish. He said they were delicious but he couldn't buy them because we'd immersed them in crude diesel oil instead of sunflower oil.

15-March-2009: I had a dream that I was at a college next to a mountain and that I knew aliens from outer space were about to invade. I wanted to tell people but discovered they already knew about it when I found a secret base underneath the college. Later an alien fell from the sky as a car tire then changed into a beautiful woman when it hit the ground and proclaimed that Humans were not ready for us, they are far too violent - this was after seeing the masses of nuclear warheads we had ready to defeat their invasion.

14-March-2009: I had a dream that I'd been going to the gym and only working on my arms, so my legs looked really skinny compared to my bulging upper body.

13-March-2009: I dreamed that I was an Italian man begging a woman to sleep with me. She lived in a modern house with a glass front and I camped outside on a chair, repeatedly asking her to sleep with me every time she came outside. She never relented but she did become more interested in me when I had a Reading Group meeting outside her house and discovered I was in charge of a billboard across the street, which I had been told to study - so I did have a reason to be sat outside her house after all, other than pestering her.

12-March-2009: I had a dream that I was on a passenger plane flying over Florida when the captain announced that we would be crashing through a shopping mall. The jet ploughed through the middle of the mall, more or less destroying everything, then burst out the other side and came to rest on a lake. Loads of people died but I was really happy, dancing and singing, because I'd made it. A Mexican cleaning lady, helping tidy the wreckage, was rude to me and said I should show respect for the dead. I told her to ‘fuck off' and said that I deal with stress in my own way.

11-March-2009: I had a dream that I was supposed to be taking a flying lesson but I was wasting time at a police station talking to people.

10-March-2009: I had a dream that I was talking about stunt planes with a man from Beverley flying school near Hull in England.

9-March-2009: I had a dream that I met an old Portuguese man and his grandson trying to learn how to play the violin and busk for money at the same time.

8-March-2009: I had a dream that I joined an ineffectual religious cult in Australia.

7-March-2009: I had a dream that I lived in a house by the river and it was raided by police who were looking for me because they thought I'd done something terrible. They didn't know what I looked like though so I walked right passed them on their way in and said hello, then walked off along the riverside.

6-March-2009: I had a dream that I hit my mother in the face, which had become a habit in the dream that I wanted to stop. In waking life my mother has a boyfriend who hits her, which has kind of messed up our whole family because she won't get rid of him. I think in the dream I'd become like her boyfriend.

5-March-2009: I had a dream that I met John Adams, a friend of mine from childhood whom I haven't seen in years. We went back to his old house where he had a box full of the toys we used to play with in the 1970s. It was amazing to see them, diecast models of the Starsky and Hutch car and the different craft from Thunderbirds.

4-March-2009: I dreamed that I played a game of chess with a Pakistani math/computer geek.

3-March-2009: I had a dream about a boy who scared a monster away with Time Dimension Balls.

2-March-2009: I dreamed that I told my friend Dave Smiley that I'd discovered Muss I Denn (the Wooden Heart song) and how it means "Must I Then, or Do I Have To?), after which we kept saying Muss I Denn every time someone asked us to do something.

1-March-2009: I had a dream that I went to an airfield where the runways were given names, like streets with signs, like London Airport and Wakefield Airport.