Dreaming LifeDreaming Life

31-July-2007: I had lots of dreams about acting and filming, nothing very specific.

30-July-2007: Years ago, in the 1980s, in waking life I used to work at a small printing company called Fulprint with a guy called Frankie, who still works there now. In last night's dream Frankie was with me on a street called Broadway, not the New York one, looking at, and evaluating, two of my cars - one of them the red Volvo S70 that I drive now, and the other a Series 3 Land Rover that I used to drive about seven years ago.

29-July-2007: I had a dream that I was caring for a baby sea monster, or dragon.

28-July-2007: I had a dream about a bad guy, Warren, from a British soap opera called Hollyoaks. Warren was explaining to Justin, who he'd forced to help bury a dead body on the show, that he'd set fire to his previous life.

27-July-2007: In waking life I drove past this guy I haven't seen in sixteen years. The last time I saw him he was a moronic security guard at a bingo hall, and when I saw him today he was still a security guard. He was standing in the street, looking exactly the same, and I couldn't help but laugh at him as I went slowly past (traffic was slow) in my car. He looked at me as if he wondered what I was laughing at, like I was an idiot. I told my mother all about it later, and how he'd probably been doing the exact same thing for nearly twenty years, even though it was possible he could have done other things and coincidentally fallen back on security work when I saw him.

Anyway, in last night's dream I met him and he had been a security guard the whole time, but I was surprised that he actually remembered me, my name and everything, when I didn't know anything about him apart from his job.

26-July-2007: I had a dream that I went back in time and visited Marcia, my wife, as a young teenager at summer camp. I was trying to think of ways to get her to like me, to see what a nice person I am, to see if there was some kind of spiritual spark between us even though she was much younger and not grown up yet. It was quite difficult and I decided that it was entirely unnatural and that I should go back to the future and wait.

25-July-2007: I had a dream about being cut, I had a huge gash in my side with blood oozing out. I think it was because someone asked about being cut in dreams on the message board.

24-July-2007: I had a dream that gave me the advice that I should drive a tank in a low gear to enable me to extend my lifespan by another year.

23-July-2007: I had a dream that I was at my childhood friend's, Sean Easton, house when one of my teeth fell out. Sean's dad was being all aloof and arrogant towards me.

22-July-2007: I had a dream that I was living in a big party house that was always half dark with people smoking and drinking everywhere. A guy from Lithuania wanted some parts for his jeep and some girl said he can take what he needs from a car in the garage. I heard the guy walking down the stairs then start clanking about with some old car, removing engine parts, then my waking life friend, Carl Sanderson, shouted "what the fuck do you think you're doing?" so the whole house could hear, as it turned out the car was his old Land Rover.

21-July-2007: I had a dream that the internet had changed and they were taking all the dots away from domain names, so that maljonicsdreams.com was now maljonicsdreamscom, and I started wondering about all those domain names where they've spelled out words to include the domain extension, like del.icio.us, that would now become complete words. I woke up wondering if this really would happen and tried to think of clever words with com on the end.

20-July-2007: I had a dream that I customized a Rastafarian's bicycle so that it had a hyperdrive button, while riding he could press the button and instantly appear in a different part of town. He asked me about a warp drive but I said it would be far too dangerous on a bicycle.

19-July-2007: I had a dream that my friend Neil Kay had a big blue-grey domestic cat that had huge eyes and could talk. It wanted Neil and itself to come and stay with us. Looking up at Marcia and I with its big, almost human, eyes it said:

"Please can we come and stay with you, pweeeese!"

18-July-2007: I had a dream with a friend from high school called Keith Skinner in it. I think he was being a bit of a dodgy conman.

17-July-2007: I had an odd dream about wrapping monkeys up in newspaper and using them to power a vehicle around the house.

16-July-2007: I had a dream that I was with three old ladies, one of them was Nana Moon (an ex-character from a British soap opera called EastEnders), in an old wooden house during an earthquake. They had never been in an earthquake before, most British people never have, so I was telling them how to be safe.

15-July-2007: I had a dream that I was on a train with Marcia, my wife, and she was being chatted up by a scruffy-looking man drinking horrible beer. At first we, Marcia, myself and other occupants of the train compartment, were just waiting for the drunk guy to get bored and leave us all alone, but his leering and sexual innuendos towards Marcia became physical so I got up and grabbed him by the throat, nearly choking him to death, and told him to leave us all alone.

When we pulled into the next station the man got off and met a bunch of biker gang mates, got on a bike of his own and laughed mysteriously, announcing to the whole train that he would come for me and Marcia when we least expect it. As the train pulled away one of the passengers asked me if I was okay, and if I was worried about the dirty biker's proclamation. I replied:

"No, not at all. He thinks he's going to surprise us by showing up at our house in three nights' time in his true form as a lesser demon, but he doesn't realize that we already know who he is and that we'll be waiting for him."

4-July-2007: Everyone on Earth in my dream had miraculously developed the power to jump as high as a house overnight, which made me feel a bit less of a freak for having super powers but I still was self-conscious of my ability to fly and leap as high as the clouds.

13-July-2007: I had a dream that I was back in my old flat in Brighton, on the south coast of England, and it had been modernized/oldized to look like a chic Bauhaus type artist's studio. A girl said that Michael Cane being there would add to the art of the flat by mere virtue of his sexuality.

12-July-2007: I had a dream with Moz (Phillip Morrel) in again, someone I haven't spoken to in 17 years. Moz, my brother and I got into a fight with a group of men and beat them off easily, but they later tried to draw us into another fight where I knew they had about twenty of their friends waiting to come and help them. I convinced my brother and Moz to run away, which would be almost unthinkable to them 17 years ago, as we couldn't possibly win. We ran off down a street in the rain, but kept stopping to taunt the huge gang that was now chasing us before running off again. We eventually ran into a police station and found a bunch of characters from Neighbours, an Australian TV soap opera, mourning the death of a girl called Janae. We joined in crying for the death if Janae, because she was my sister in this dream, and so did the gang who burst into the police station with the intent of beating us up.

11-July-2007: I was dreaming about exploring the mysterious flats (apartments) across the street from where I live.

10-July-2007: I had a dream that I was inside a computer game called Battlefield 2, that I play in waking life, flying helicopters and planes.

9-July-2007: I had a dream that my friend Mark came to see me and I showed him the huge stockpile of booze I had in the house due to me not drinking for so long, then we decided to drink it all and watch an insane DVD called Sir Henry at Rawlings End.

8-July-2007: I had a dream that I was playing football, wearing dirty blue flipflops on my feet, with two friends called Mark and Peter Rankin. After playing football in the street for a while are started dancing in a circle and singing a silly song about wearing blue flipflops.

7-July-2007: I had lots of little snippet dreams where I went back in time to various points in my life to relive them with my adult's brain. One of the most notable was a dream sequence that involved Mister Gutierrez of real life Fulford School, quite possibly one of the worst teachers ever to exist. In waking life he's one of those teachers who picks a few new students out each year and hounds them throughout their entire school life, putting them down and making them miserable. There are more bad stories about Mister Gutierrez than any other teacher I've ever known, he was so bad that they'd heard of him at Arch Bishop Holgate's school right across town. Worst of all this horrible man is still teaching at Fulford School, or he was 5 years ago, and still making a select few people's lives miserable.

Anyway, in my dream I was back to being about 13 years old, sitting in a class with Mister Gutierrez and listening to him telling me that I need to pay attention to his talk on dole money (welfare checks) because I will be needing it when I leave school, meaning I will never get a job or do anything good in his opinion. Of course there would normally be no point in replying, I didn't at the time, as a 30 year old man can easily run rings around a small boy intellectually - but in this dream I did reply, interrupted him actually, and asked him why he became a teacher, why does he do it if he hates children so much.

6-July-2007: I had a dream that I was paddling in shallow crystal waters by a white beach, pleading to God and any spiritual beings that would listen to help me go to far away places when I wake up.

5-July-2007: I had a dream that I worked at Mecca Bingo and my manager didn't like my shoes or general appearance, so he gave me a copper bracelet which created a golden halo appear over my head and made everyone think I looked like a young Harrison Ford. The manager and I went to Hollywood by private plane to see if the magic bracelet would fool everyone into thinking I was a movie star, but when I got there I was overwhelmingly disappointed by the fact that Hollywood people can't fly and I wanted to go home.

4-July-2007: I had a dream that I was in a farcical French comedy about me being in love with an EFL (English as a foreign language) teacher, who was in turn being romantically pursued by half of her students.

3-July-2007: I had a dream that I was riding a bicycle naked around a place called Clementhorpe, an area of York where I live. I rode past two young girls who laughed at me and said, "there's that guy who rides around naked that everyone is talking about". After that I crept ninja-like into a gay artist's apartment, stole some of his designer clothes then leapt out of his window and ran away laughing like a loon.

2-July-2007: I dreamed that I was in a pub with my friends Neil Kay and Steve Lockie-Bloore, but it appeared as if Neil didn't like me that much. Neil and Steve were having a discussion about putting apparatus up their noses or something.

1-July-2007: I had a dream that my friend, Dave Smiley, and I found a high-class photographer's studio in the middle of town. We went inside and Dave quizzed him about what file extensions he uses when he saves his digital images, hoping to discover what kind of uber software the guy might use. After this the photographer took me out back to a black and white lake to give me lessons on compositions, pointing out how I can frame a tree and its reflection on the water.