Dreaming LifeDreaming Life

31-January-2010: I dreamed that I went to a lecture on aesthetics in the movies, which turned into a discussion about the pros and cons of wearing high heels. The teacher went around the class asking people different questions about them, then got to me asked what I thought were the benefits for female movie stars wearing high heels. I said, "They make your ass stick out and your legs look longer".

30-January-2010: I had a dream that I was at school, as a teenager, and that I had two girlfriends. The three of us went everywhere together and the two girls were totally comfortable with me being in a relationship with both of them. Some other girls at the school got the wrong idea though, thinking I would just go out with all of them, or an indefinite number of them, so that sometimes one would approach me and ask me if I wanted to kiss them. I would look into their mind and see that they don't understand and say "no".

29-January-2010: I had a dream that I visited an alien planet and found the people there watching old-fashioned BBC TV shows. It seemed that England was perfectly placed to broadcast its TV signals in their direction. The aliens were celebrating because the broadcasts had changed from black and white to colour.

28-January-2010: I had a dream that I went to Newcastle in the future and the whole city was a mass of interconnecting escalators.

27-January-2010: I dreamed that I was detecting radioactivity along Heslington Lane, the street where I grew up, then neutralizing it with my touch.

26-January-2010: I had another dream that I was the posh, fat lady comedian. This time I was in a serious World War Two game where I had to help some old man capture a German gun emplacement. I led him down a secret foxhole and along a tunnel that came out at the bottom of some ladders leading up to the back of a German firing a Gatling gun. I pointed up the ladder and said "Shsh" then old mad stealthily climbed the ladder to capture the enemy soldier and his gun. However, before he got to the top I burst out laughing and gave the whole game away and, like yesterday, I woke up laughing too.

25-January-2010: I had an hilarious dream where I was a famous comedian whose act involved dressing up as a rich, stupid fat woman telling jokes on stage. A TV company did a spoof documentary about me going to a posh gym/leisure centre. I was on a treadmill next to Madonna and this pop star from the 1980's came in and joined us. I spent ages asking him if he knew who he was next to, pointing at Madonna, and he kept saying he'd never seen her before. I kept falling off the treadmill, being all posh, fat and stupid, making funny faces at the guy for not knowing she was. After Madonna left I told the guy who she was, Cyndi Lauper, and woke up in tears of laughter like I'd seen the funniest show on Earth.

24-January-2010: I dreamed that I was at a nice college and I was really upset because it was the last day and I thought I wouldn't see any of my college friends again.

23-January-2010: I had a dream that I could alter reality so that I could exist within a single nano-second. I was kissing my friend's ex-girlfriend, Jenny Sharp, and took her into a nano-second so other people couldn't see us. When inside the nano-second we went on an arranged, package tour to Spain. Everything was the same as in the real world, apart from there were far less people, just those who could exist inside nano-seconds, called Time Stradlers.

22-January-2010: I dreamed that I kept going on long walks and adventures in different time periods with groups of people who belonged to each of the time periods.

21-January-2010: I had a dream that I was out flying, at first in a plane and then just on my own. I came across a huge storm that went right across the sky. It was gigantic and seemed to have hundreds of smaller storm inside, with purple lightning tearing across the rumbling surface rolling across the countryside towards my town. I went back to a house I was staying at to warn the people living there, but all they would do is carry on watching two TVs in their living room.

20-January-2010: I had a dream set in a strange country or world that was full of post-war debris. A large missile flew overhead and I knew it was another nuclear strike, and hoped it wouldn't land too close. It exploded a few miles away which gave me, and my little family/followers, just enough time to climb down an old drain for protection. We ended up living down the drain because everything outside was radioactive, and there were large creatures looking for humans and killing them. A human cleric had been forced into searching for humans because he was smaller than the monsters and could fit down the drainpipes. He came into our drain and found that our group had been living there for over a year, which he thought was kind of comforting and decided to join us and leave the monsters behind, knowing they would think he died down the drain somewhere.

19-January-2010: I had a dream I was at a fairly wild party with my friend Phil Benton. I was very drunk and saying that I want to have sex with a young woman, any young woman. However, I was so drunk that even in the dream I could barely move because I was falling asleep.

18-January-2010: I dreamed that I went through the river lock at Naburn, near where I live, on my boat. At the other side one of the lock-keepers said my boat was too dirty.

17-January-2010: I had a dream I was floating towards the river Avon's estuary through Bristol in a London taxi, with all the local news stations following my unfortunate predicament.

16-January-2010: I dreamed I was at an army barracks in Fulford, near where I live. I nuclear bomb exploded nearby and I was forced into an underground bunker. I thought Marcia, my wife, must be somewhere outside in town, probably dead. I woke up inside the dream and told Marcia to promise to find an underground place, a shop basement or train station subway, if ever a bomb was going to drop in real life. Marcia laughed and said I was being overly gloomy because I thought our business was failing.

15-January-2010: I had a dream that I went to rescue a woman in a cliff-top ballroom who'd collapsed. I used a blue light-ray device to cure something in her stomach and she was immediately better again. All the other dancers stopped what they were doing and wanted to steal the woman's technology, thinking the device was hers. I fended them off with kung fu as we back away down some stairs to a balcony in the cliff-side. I called Catface to come down in the Mothership, which soon appeared and lowered a rope-ladder. When the crowd saw the spaceship someone shouted, 'see, we were right, she's an alien' and the woman, halfway up the ladder now, shouted back, 'Oh, but it's not mine, it's his' pointing down at me.

14-January-2010: I dreamed that Marcia, my wife, was tidying the house and found a scrunched up piece of paper that had a letter written on it by me. The letter was a pretend nasty letter saying how I hate her that I was going to give her as a joke, but I thought it was cruel so I screwed it up and threw it away, only not well enough of course because she found it. Marcia was really upset with me and I thought she was going to leave me, so I was very relieved when I woke up and discovered it wasn't true.

13-January-2010: I had a dream that I gave all my belongings to a friend called Phil Benton, and even gave him a place to live. Soon afterwards, however, I regretted it and wanted them all back.

12-January-2010: I had a dream that a huge, blind robot was terrorizing a city. The machine was sound-sensitive, so I was sneaking through some buildings on the twentieth floor, the robot's head level, silently trying to discover a way to switch it off.

11-Janyuary-2010: I had a dream there was a flooding drain at Fulford School, where I went in waking life as a child, and a boy in a red football shirt got washed away down the drain.

10-January-2010: I had a dream that I got a job on the Queen Mary 2, Atlantic Ocean Liner, and soon decided I hated it when some senior staff were really horrible to me and other new recruits. After two days I gave up and got the Mothership to come and pick me up, along with some other disgruntled workers, from the top deck and whisk us to New York.

9-January-2010: I dreamed that I went camping with my friends Neil Kay, Ché Sanderson and his brother Carl. In the morning they all got up and went somewhere for breakfast without me, so I packed the entire camp away in my car and drove home.

8-January-2010: I had a dream I was on a boat with a friend called Carl Hillary. Our outboard engine fell off the boat and I jumped in the water to try and find it. I couldn't find the engine so the local water authority kindly drained the river for me so I could see it. However, I still did not find my engine but did discover a much more powerful outboard engine instead and, seeing as everyone assumed it was the one I lost, I took it and put it on the boat. I took the boat to a river lock near a very high bridge with cliffs overlooking the river to try and start the reclaimed engine. As soon as I gave it a try though, it exploded with an almighty bang that echoes off the cliffs and bridge and woke me up.

7-January-2010: I had a dream I was with a girl in a Dutch department store, discussing where we should go next - Bruges, Belgium or France.

6-January-2010: I dreamed that I was shipwrecked and rowed to an island that provided a wife, son and all the food you can eat but you weren't allowed to leave. This didn't bother me at all because I didn't want to leave. However, the people who controlled the island were mad at me for using too many of their resources.

5-January-2010: I had a dream that my friend Dave Smiley was on the run from the police and I went with him to help him evade capture with my uber covert skills. We kept renting a flat in different cities, living in them for no more than four days but paying up for the month so no one would report us. Each time we moved we used a different train so there was never any pattern to follow. We managed to stay out of police hands for three years, but Dave got caught at King's Cross train station in London because he was arguing with some homeless guy for taking his sleeping bag. However, after a brief time talking to him, the police decided it wasn't worth the bother prosecuting Dave.

4-January-2010: I had a dream that my granddad and brother were shot by the police and I used my green light device to heal their wounds. After that I killed the police officers who shot them and threw them in the river.

3-Janauary-2010: I had a dream that my friend Ché told me his son had been kidnapped, because I was in some kind of special police force and he thought I'd be able to rescue him. Our unit tracked down the boy to an old house near Priory Street in York, near where I live. I entered the house first and went upstairs. Some terrorists blocked my exit back down the stairs and kept the rest of my unit busy outside. I hid in the bathroom, checked my gun and found that it was jammed. The only weapon I had was a small knife, however I managed to overcome the boy's captures upstairs and set him free. Some of the terrorist from downstairs came up, one at a time, and I dispatched them with my knife and put them in the bathroom. As the terrorists were losing manpower to me the rest of my unit gained the upper-hand and stormed the house, capturing or killing whoever was left.

2-January-2010: I dreamed I went back in time to the 1970s and my childhood home. When I explored the inside of the house there were pianos everywhere and it seemed as though my upbringing had been a lot posher than I remembered.

1-January-2010: I dreamt that a man followed me up a tree and I stabbed him to death with a knife then ran away. The police were patrolling the area when a guy found me hiding in his front garden. I told the guy that I'd just killed someone called Sabastopol, which as it turned out was a serial killer, so the guy let me go and told the police, who'd noticed us having a heated debate, I was a Jehovah's Witness.