Dreaming LifeDreaming Life

29-February-2004: I moved into the house my grandparents used to live in when I was a baby up until I was about eight years old. I was strange to see it with clear adult eyes and thinking, the room I used to sleep in looked much smaller than I remember but the memory of the ghosts that used to haunt it still frightened me. The Humpty-Dumpty wall was still exactly as I remember it, I call it that because every time I hear the nursery rhyme I always think of that particular wall.

28-February-2004: I dreamed was younger and crying because I had to appear in court for something; I was crying because I was sure that I would go to prison and knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle it with my claustrophobia. I told my mother that I would try and commit suicide at the earliest opportunity if I were given a custodial sentence. She whispered something to a man called Phil Mitchell, a tough guy from a British soap opera, who went out of the house saying he’ll be back in a bit. I went out for a ride on my bicycle trying to stop crying and getting my thoughts together. I overheard someone saying my name around a corner so I sneaked up and had a listen. It was Phil telling the judge that justice had failed and a good guy had been mistaken for a bad guy, the judge replied that she couldn’t help that, it was up to the courts to decide. Phil said something about a favour being owed and the woman unwillingly agreed to let me go no matter what the outcome. Later in court I was horrified to see that the judge was not the same person that Phil had been talking to, I was sentenced to prison. The police were about to take me away when the other judge stormed in and over-road the court’s decision. I was set free to a furious court, feeling very happy but upset that the people in the court hated me so much, especially as I hadn’t done anything.

27-February-2004: I was looking out through an office window near The Palace of Westminster in London, a politician was being harassed by journalists and been made to answer questions he hadn’t prepared for. When I turned away from the window I was looking at a bunch of men in suits looking at me expectantly, I declared that from this day forward it would be illegal to harass politicians outside the Houses of Parliament, the House of Lords or anywhere that hadn’t been prearranged by the said politician. They all congratulated me on my sagacity and I leapt out of the window and flew around the Palace in the sunshine.

26-February-2004: I was an outsider working as an exchange tutor in the army barracks near where I live; the trainee soldiers were all in a workshop listening to a sergeant telling them about ballistics. I said aloud that I was able to completely construct, from scratch, an Avtomat Kalashnikova Obrazets 1947 (the full name of AK 47) assault rifle without leaving the workshop we were standing in within three hours. The sergeant said I was bragging about the impossible so I set to making the rifle, rooting out appropriate bits of metal and wood; after two and a half hours of filing, drilling and sawing I had a complete rifle and scared the daylights out of the sergeant by shooting all the windows out in the machine shop.ak 47

25-February-2004: I was being interviewed on a British children’s early morning television show as the new member of the Japanese rock band Shonen Knife, we performed a song that was new. The girls in the band were singing about ‘forgetting politics and just having fun fun fun,’ while I sort of weaved among them making silly noises into the microphone. They found it very difficult to keep singing without laughing, afterwards they were telling the TV presenters about what a huge hit I was in Japan, how the crowds and TV audiences roared with laughter every time a made my silly noises.

24-February-2004: I was at the fire station in York. The firemen and women were training by running along the top of a table on top of cans of lager, they had to jump from can to can without touching the table. I told them my friends and I play a similar game in our favourite bar and they all laughed. I asked the fire chief if there was anything the station needed, any things that needed replacing. He gave me the grand tour, pointing out all the equipment that was wearing out and getting old. I got a type of scanner thing out of my pocket that has different settings on it; if I push a switch all the way forward through five settings, a wide beam of green light is emitted when I press a trigger. I’ve used the device before in other dreams and the mothership has a larger version installed for renewing large areas of land and large objects. The green beam sort of sends material’s molecules back in time without making them leave this time, the targeted object becomes brand-new again. I went around the whole station renewing all the equipment; I even set the device on its widest beam and renewed all the Victorian windows so they looked exactly the same as they did on the first day they were installed.

23-February-2004: I was in Brighton on the south coast of England and decided to go down a street I’d never seen before, I thought it was just a little back street but it was full of huge stores that I never knew existed. One of them was so big they gave you a bicycle to get around it on. I had a nagging feeling all the way through the dream that I was supposed to be somewhere else. I eventually realised that I was meant to be back in York to go to work, it takes at least four hours to get from Brighton to York. I was running around looking for a phone to tell them I wouldn’t make it when I woke up.

22-February-2004: I was walking through the halls and corridors of York University and wandered into a room with some people bustling about, they were about to begin a meeting. I got caught up in the meeting and found myself sat at a table with cakes and biscuits on little plates; everyone was discussing medical and social service matters while I helped myself to the cakes. No one seemed to notice that I wasn’t supposed to be there, in fact a few of them kept looking in my direction to see if I agreed with what was said. I was getting worried that the cakes might make me fat when a tea lady came in with some sandwiches, so I started eating those instead. When the meeting was over I left the room and found that I was in the corridors of a nursing home instead of the university. On my way out the front door I bumped into a girl I’ve never seen before and asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink sometime, she said yes

21-February-2004: When I was in junior school, between the ages of 5 and 11, the brightest kid in the school was Anthony Alison. Anthony was with me in the back garden of the house where I grew up; we were trying to make a rocket that would go into outer space. We were doing pretty well, our measuring device told us that one of our attempts made it as high as eleven thousand feet; the rocket we used for that was only about half a metre high, it didn’t even come up to Anthony’s waist. We went off into the house to study the works of Wernher Von Braun, who was one of the world's first and foremost rocket engineers and a leading authority on space travel. I was looking into his designs of solid fuel rockets and showed Anthony saying, ‘Why don’t we try something like this, with all the fuel coiled up on the inner surface of the booster rockets with a high energy rod down the middle?’ (I have little to no idea what I was talking about now that I’m awake) Anthony replied that they weren’t really very useful because the fuel would burn up entirely in about three seconds, the weight of the booster compared to the lift we’d get out of it would not be worth our while. The dream drifted off for a bit to take a look at the American Space Programme of the nineteen seventies leading up to the present day. When the camera (as it were) came back to us, we had a twenty-metre-high rocket in my back garden with a monkey at the helm ready to launch.

20-February-2004: I was with two friends, Steve and Carl, and we were walking by the river in York, England. It is not the same river as the one in reality but it is the same river in the same York that is always in my dreams. The dream version of the river there is a huge reservoir north of town; we were heading up there for some reason. When we got close to it a teenager started following us, he looked really dodgy so we crossed the street to see if he followed us. He did follow us so we speeded up; I decided I would have to do something about him so I span around to ask him what he wanted, he had a knife in his hand and was about to stab Carl in the back. I got the knife off him and threw it away, when I asked him why he wanted to attack us he said that he didn’t know.

19-February-2004: I was back at school and one of the teachers, Mrs Kellet, was being really nasty to me. She used to do the same thing in real life. She kept accusing me of all kinds of things, the accusations were getting bigger and bigger until the government thought I must be some kind of super-villain. I escaped on a motorcycle with my mum riding on the back; we went to hide out in her flat in London.

18-February-2004: My brother and I were preparing for a trek through the wilderness of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado, USA. An old man and woman were going to be our guides; we were all supposed to go to a camping store before our trip to get our own individual supplies. There was a long queue for the store and every time I got near the front I found that my teeth were stuck together with chewing gum, so I’d go to the back of the queue and try to pick the gum out. Everyone else had got his or her gear but me, the store had closed and all I had was a huge ball of gum that I’d picked out of my mouth. I told the guides that it didn’t matter, I would pick up the things I needed as we went along or just copy theirs. The woman wanted to know what I meant by, ‘copy theirs,’ so I showed them a little disc I had that looked like a mirror; I placed the woman’s little tub of cooking fat on it and said a little prayer word then removed the tub. After a few seconds the disc whined and a copy of the woman’s tub full of cooking fat materialised on the disc. She simply said, ‘Neat,’ and we headed of to get our snowmobiles. The four snowmobiles were a bit rusty and obviously home made but they went like rockets, it was a lot of fun.

17-February-2004: A really interesting girl started work at the same place as me; she asked me to teach her how to juggle so she could entertain the children as well as I do. When she went to visit her first client five other support workers turned up at the house to ‘supervise’ her; she was very popular. She was into sailing so I arranged a little boat trip for her and myself. Later in the dream we were all in court; there weren’t any lawyers and the judge was asking all the questions, he kept asking me about the boat trip. I didn’t find out what the case was about, but it was something pretty serious; every time new evidence was brought forward the judge shouted, ‘Officer of the house, secure the courtroom!’ After which all the doors were locked from the outside to prevent anyone from running away. Someone was about to be interrogated when a woman came up with pictures of him kissing the accused (the interesting girl) and the judge decided that his testimony was inadmissible. On this proclamation the woman laughed hysterically and put the pictures into the judge’s mug and poured a bottle of chemicals on them, they exploded and set the courtroom on fire and we were all evacuated.

16-February-2004: I travelled back in time (about 20 years) to a small office in the back of a university somewhere in California; there were three computer nerds in there, one of them was playing an old fashioned computer game thinking it was the bees knees. I told them I was from the future and wanted to show them how computer games have evolved, I told them to choose any genre. They could play anything they like. They wanted to play the latest text adventure game, their imagination was not great. I introduced them to the world of First Person Shoot ‘em ups. I knew it would blow their mind, but I didn’t expect it to blow mine too! I’d come from farther in the future than I thought; as we began our game of Counter Strike we were all sucked into the screen, the reality and depth was fantastic. Fantastic until a huge monster came along and started eating the scenery and smashing down the walls…

15-February-2004: I was in a gambling establishment with a girl I used to go to college with; she is pretty and nice but intolerably dim. I don’t know what game we were playing but we won a million English pounds. They just handed it to me in cash with a large mug; I put the cash in the mug and we went outside to put the money in the bank, we came out onto the main street with all the banks in Brussels, Belgium. It was quite busy and dark but we made it across. I asked the girl if it was okay to put all the money in my bank account, she said it was fine. I had no intention of ripping her off or anything like that; I knew the interest would be greater if we put all the money in the same account, I was pleased that she trusted me. The bank teller wasn’t at all surprised when I slipped one million pounds under the glass with my card, she said, ‘There’s been a lot of people selling their houses for cash this week.’

14-February-2004: I used to go to school with a boy called Richard Cass when I was a little boy, he used to live in a really small one story house. I was with him again all grown up and he took me to see his house, it was still only the one floor but it was massive. It hade a huge sloping green front garden and overlooked the sea. My friend Dave was staying with his uncle next door, his mother was there and was telling me how worried she is that Dave drinks so much. I was telling her that he is nowhere near as bad as he used to be but she didn’t really believe me, I thought she was a bit hysterical.

13-February-2004: I was at a strange house in York, England, that I’ve never seen before. My grandfather who’d died a few years ago was there; so were my brother Ben, his wife Beth and their three-year-old daughter Eva. We all went out for a walk together with Eva on a little tricycle; my grandfather kept saying how Eva could go faster if she wanted then pushing her along ahead of us. He was pushing her too hard so that she was nearly crashing into walls and things; eventually she fell off and started crying, my grandfather disappeared. Beth had a briefcase that she was searching through to find a toy to cheer Eva up, Ben was looking impatiently at Beth and I said, ‘There’s nothing in there.’ Beth replied, ‘I know, I can’t believe I didn’t put any of Eva’s toys inside.’ I found a little blue bear in my pocket and shook it playfully next to Eva’s face to try and make her smile. My brother told me to leave her alone, she was not to be bothered with that sort of thing. I made to take the cuddly bear away but Eva snatched it out of my hand and held it close to her face.

12-February-2004: (my birthday) I was with two friends, Mark and Chiemi, staying in a house that was on a tiny island in the Pacific Ocean. A boat was shipwrecked nearby and the survivors made it to our island; we were quite glad of the company because we were sort of stuck there ourselves. We knew someone would come to rescue us all so Chiemi and I started packing everything up in the house ready to leave. There seemed to be way too much to fit in our suitcases so I got Catface to teleport all our stuff back home, it even teleported everything into the right drawers and cupboards; in fact, in the end, I decided we couldn’t be bothered to wait for the rescue so I got Catface to come and pick us up and take us to England.

11-February-2004: I moved to America to help form a Family of random strangers. I was a bit confused at first after a long flight, I started to panic and wanted to know where I was; I knew I was in the US somewhere but I didn’t know exactly where, I’m the kind of person that needs to know exactly where he is all the time. None of the others who were joining the family seemed to know except for one black girl who said she’d seen the house marked on a big map of the United States. I asked her to show me where it was on her left hand, to pretend that her hand was a map of America with Florida hanging off her little finger. She showed me and pointed to where she had seen the mark on the map; I said, ‘Ah! It looks like somewhere near Connecticut,’ and she replied that that was exactly it; she’d overheard someone saying the same word on the flight over from Australia. I was from England but everyone else was from different places. We were about ten years old at the beginning of the dream but grew up into adults and still lived together as a big family. The black girl (I never did learn her name, or anyone else’s including my own) was always best friends with one of my brothers as we grew up but we wanted to have a relationship together. She wanted to keep it a secret so as not to upset the other guy but I said I’d rather not have a relationship if we have to sneak around and not tell him. He saw us whispering together once and decided we had already betrayed him and ran away from home. We found him 5 years later in the back alleys of Manhattan, living on the streets. I ran over and gave him a big hug but he still hadn’t forgiven me; I was married to the girl by this time and had three children. I told him he had to come home or he was going to wind up dead like the kid across the street. He didn’t believe me; he never had, and pointed out that the little grubby boy in the white tee shirt was alive and well. I told my brother that the boy will be dead in under 30 seconds and that the other boy across the street was going to stab him in the liver. Just as I said it a commotion started and a gang of street kids surround the boy in the tee-shirt and were asking for their money back, he was telling them all to shove it when the other boy forced his way through the crowd and stabbed the grubby street kid in the liver with a large chefs’ fork. The boy died instantly, my wife and I both felt his spirit leave. We begged our brother to come home…

10-February-2003: I was inside a computer game that I am familiar with, only some of the corridors didn’t lead to where they were supposed to. I was splashing down a water tunnel expecting to come out at a waterfall but instead appeared in the middle of a battle between Chinese and Japanese ancient warriors. I thought either side would kill me if they found a strange looking Westerner among the foothills. I first came upon a Japanese patrol and hastily said, ‘Genki desu ka,’ thinking they were going to slice my head off; but the Samurai in charge simply replied, ‘Genki desu,’ and asked me if I’d spotted any Chinese infidels then, when I told him I hadn’t, trotted off on his horse. A few minutes later I was surrounded by Chinese warriors and tried a whimpering, ‘Ni hao,’ which somehow came from my mouth perfectly fluently and the Chinese gathering around me all smiled and welcomed me back, from where I do not know. I showed the general a new weapon I’d invented, it was a kind of plasma rail gun that instead of killing you teleported you back to your birthplace. None of them had seen a gun before, the general shot himself in the head with it by accident, so we lost both him and the gun.

9-February-2004: I was a competitor in a new kind of Olympics called the Extreme Olympic Games. Some of my friends were there taking part in some sky diving events, I was a bit too scared to take part in that. I was in the reverse high jump competition. You had to jump from ever higher platforms and land on the ground without breaking anything.

8-February-2004: I was riding a motorcycle with my friend Neil on the back around Leeds in England, completely lost, all the streets in the city were twisting and rising in all the wrong directions. We were trying to find our way to the York road but it couldn’t be found anywhere, we dare not stop and ask anyone because they all looked too crazy or dangerous. There was an old woman in the middle of the road, I had to screech to a halt to avoid hitting her; she went mad and started hitting me with her stick say that if her husband was alive he’d kick my head in. I thought it was funny at first but she wouldn’t stop, she kept going on and on all the while hitting me with her walking stick. I grabbed it and took it from her then threw it away, it broke into three pieces and the woman started crying. I felt really guilty but when she went over to get her stick, she slotted it back together again and started laughing. She came hobbling over to give me another beating, so I rode off as fast as the bike would take us.

7-February-2004: The world was about to go to war in a big way, worse than ever before. So all the aliens on Earth, my self included, were packing up and leaving until it was all over. We had space ships all over the planet that looked like stone buildings or we hidden behind walls in public places. I was taking all my friends with me, the army were trying to stop us from leaving; it seemed they had suspected we existed all along and were waiting for their chance to pounce. They broke into our house and started searching but couldn’t find anything apart from a musty old cellar hidden under a carpet, this was actually the entrance to our spaceship but the technology was so far removed from that of Earth is was completely unrecognisable. One of the soldiers was Cameron Diaz and I asked her quietly if she wanted to come with us, as if I were joking. As soon as the soldiers left we all went into the cellar and through a little hole into the space ship proper. As we were putting our suits on Cameron appeared saying that she thinks she will come along after all and started putting a space suit on. The suits were many layered and skin-tight; there was no helmet so Cameron asked us what we did without helmets if our ship was damaged and started leaking in space, one of our female officers laughed and told her that the suites use electrical fields and don’t need primitive helmets. As we took off into the atmosphere I was surprised at how many other ships there were doing the same; there were hundreds of them rising to the heavens as far as I could see, I had no idea there were that many of us on Earth.

6-February-2004: I was back at home where I lived as a child and our old dog, Caesar, a huge Doberman came leaping through the window. I told him what a lovely dog he had been and that I’m not surprised his presence clings to the memory of the house.

5-February-2004: I was bored and sitting on the window sill looking out of the window when an old brown and gold Rolls Royce sped by; the driver’s seat was removed and there was a small boy in its place steering the car. An old blind woman was controlling the pedals while a girl in the passenger seat gave directions. As I watched they hit a parked car and started spinning out of control; I wanted to go and help them but it was too late, a huge truck came around the corner and both vehicles exploded. The children and the old woman were flung out of the windows and squashed by the truck on the road. I called the police to tell them to get here quickly; the accident was on a busy road around a blind corner. The police and ambulances were taking ages to arrive and more and more cars were crashing; there was blood everywhere, the cars were coming around the corner and skidding out of control on slick blood and body parts.

4-February-2004: I’ve been trying to reduce my sleep time and this has made my dreams a little hazy while I get used to it; but I do remember a huge spacecraft that looked like a cathedral mirrored in water, so that its spires pointed both up and down.

3-February-2004: I was on a walking holiday with an old friend; we were doing all our walking at night and pitching our tents as the sun came up and sleeping under the trees all day. One night we came across an old friend who said he was working undercover for the British government and that an evil maniac was hiding inside a mansion up a nearby mountain. I immediately set about helping and commandeered a passing troop of Scottish guards who went to the big house and completely trashed the place.

2-Fedruary-2004: I went with my brother to find the source of the river Foss, the secondary river in York, England. We came across a mysterious loch with excrement flowing through the water.

1-February-2004: After dreaming about Tokyo most of the night I woke up and turned the TV on then drifted back into a lucid dream. I was riding a BMX through the countryside while at the same time a programme about farmers was on the television. So my lucid dream had a running commentary about chicken flue in Thailand.