Dreaming LifeDreaming Life

31-August-2007: I had a dream that I could make fantastic figures from clay by stroking my fingers over the surface and vibrating my fingerprints really fast like the pins on an old dot matrix printer.

30-August-2007: In waking life I'm waiting to see if I'm going to be picked out of fifty people who worked on a movie a few weeks back to go and do some more work on the movie. In last night's dream my old boss, Jane Kitt, was picking names out of a bag and pinning them on a board. It was supposed to be random but she'd somehow fixed it so that no matter who the first seven people were I would be the eighth. In the dream I had the idea that Marcia might not be picked and I would have to go to the studio on my own, but when I woke up I wondered what would happen if only Marcia was picked this time and not me.

29-August-2007: I had a dream that I was on a camping trip in a dark, monochrome land next to a river. There was a huge storm coming and fighter jets were trying to agitate the clouds so the storm would break before it got to our campsite and ruin our trip. It didn't really work so I, and my friends Neil Kay and Jenny Sharpe, ran for a nearby mansion house that was a posh hotel in Scotland somewhere.

28-August-2007: I had a dream that someone puked on a girl I know, but haven't seen for many years in waking life, called Tamsin Evans. I took her to a bathroom to get cleaned up but she wouldn't take the puke-covered clothes off to wash them in the bathtub, instead she had a shower with all her clothes on and said she was fine while I stood at the door to make sure no one came in. I think the dream was actually connected to a real, waking life experience from years ago (like 16 years) when we were at a party and Tamsin did the opposite and, while very drunk, took all her clothes off while I tried to stop people coming in the bathroom until she put them on again. I think her and her boyfriend at the time must have thought more was going on in there than actually happened, because the next day they both made a terrible attempt at lying and saying they couldn't remember anything at all from the previous night - which really meant they didn't want to talk about Tamsin being in the bathroom with me. I always wanted to explain that nothing actually happened really, but them saying they don't remember anything kind of made it impossible at the time.

27-August-2007: I had a dream very similar to the one on 22-August-2007, only this time I bought a bingo hall in Brighton on the south coast of England, instead of a hotel, because some uppity woman said I couldn't come in and look around. The building was actually under threat of being demolished, so I made a lot of old people very happy when I announced that I, as the new owner, would be renovating the 1920s Art Deco architecture and keeping it open as a bingo hall.

26-August-2007: I had a dream that I was teaching website design in school to a class of teenagers. I got them to split off into groups of 3 and decide who was going to be a coder/designer, who was going to search for inspirational ideas and who was going to be the PR and client liaison. I made the client liaisons pretend to phone me while I stood begin a thin wall asking them all kinds of stupid questions about websites.

25-August-2007: I dreamed I was with a guy called Lee, who's supposedly dating my mother semi-secretly only everyone knows about it, looking at a really old steam train in a museum, possible one of the first like Stephenson's Rocket. Then I was talking to a female scientist and asking here why, if the Polar ice is melting, everyone keeps saying water levels are going to rise when frozen water displaces more water than melted, ordinary water - surely if the ice melts water levels will get lower.

24-August-2007: I had a dream that I was in Liverpool in north-west England. I was on a business trip or something and the city looked a lot different to how it does in waking life; where the river is normally enormous, like nearly a mile wide, it was only about twenty feet across and visibly rose and fell very quickly with the tide. At some point I accidentally ended up on a coach tour to Liverpool football stadium. There were lots of people who were excited about attending a game there, all cheering and singing songs I never heard before, while I paid attention to the route we took so I could walk back into town when the bus stopped and let us out.

We arrived at the stadium, all aglow with floodlights in the dark, and I immediately turned away and headed back to Liverpool. As I walked a girl caught up with me who had also gotten on the tour bus by mistake, and asked if she could walk back with me and hold hands, as it was dark and the area we were in looked pretty scary. We walked, hand in hand, for some time and she was a really nice person. We got to her hotel and I was going to kiss her when I got a text message from Marcia, my wife, and felt really guilty. After that I turned into Homer Simpson and it was the next day outside the hotel and I was crying. The girl asked me what was wrong and I told her hat I had a secret but, before I could let on what it was, she interrupted and said "the secret is that you're married, right?" I replied, still being Homer Simpson, "Oh my God, how did you know?" and she said, "You're wearing a wedding ring, you fool!"

23-August-2007: I had a dream that I went to see my childhood home, Heslington Lane, and discovered that it had been demolished. The whole house was a pile of rubble and I could see right through to the end of the back garden, the scene made me cry.

22-August-2007: I had a dream that I was at a hotel called Horsley Towers, a place in Surrey (UK) where'd I'd been filming in waking life a few weeks ago. In the dream some of the cast from the movie I was in were still hanging around and we were chatting at a breakfast table. It came time to order food and I wanted some cornflakes with milk, and a separate order of sausages, beans and eggs - but the waiter told me I can only have one or the other. I thought it was ridiculous that I couldn't have both, I called for the manager and told him so, that I was outrages the hotel wouldn't let me eat whatever I want, especially as I was staying in their most expensive room. The manager was a prosaic idiot and simply repeated back some rules over and over without actually speaking to me.

Anyway, I phoned my Japanese business dealer (only exists in this dream) and got him to buy for me, in Japanese so the people around me couldn't understand, the hotel chain that runs Horsley Towers, and I became the full owner within half an hour. Of courses I sacked the manager immediately, ordered the breakfast I wanted and told all the staff that guests can eat whatever they order from the menu, in whatever quantity they wish. I also discovered that my purchase included another hotel in Manchester that was managed by a Polish man, so I phoned him and insisted on speaking Polish and told him the new rules, which he was actually very pleased about.

I decided to go to the hotel in Manchester to meet the Polish guy, my wife Marcia sat in the back of our limo (newly appointed to us as the new owners) while I sat up front with a hot female driver. The driver had amazing legs and I wondered if, with my new powers as mighty hotel mogul, I would be able to touch them and get away with it, but decided that I would not considering I was married which trumped any amount of financial power.

21-August-2007: I had a dream that a beardy nerd of a guy was showing me his models of spider cranes in a special room on the top floor of a museum. I've been writing a little story in waking life that involves the use of a crane to lift train carriages that has legs like a spider instead of wheels or caterpillar tracks, I think the dream was showing me how it might work.

20-August-2007: I had yet another medieval type dream. This time I was in a castle asking people where I can find the flammable liquid. Then, when I found the deadly chemicals, I went to an alchemist's chamber where I spied, from a hidden slit in the wall, him and his apprentice at work on some project. I threw the incendiary devises into their laboratory and the place was soon aflame. However, I felt really bad about what I'd done and realised I didn't actually want the two alchemists to burn to death so, as a female fairy, I used magic powers to create a door in the floor and guided the two through the smoke and flames underground into a lake that ran under the castle - the kind of place they normally throw people to crocodiles, only there weren't any nasty creatures in the water.

19-August-2007: I had a dream that I went to a big mansion house called Sutton Park, a real place that exists in waking life outside York where I live. I went to Sutton Park on a group outing to look at the exterior and interior architecture, but when I got there I thought that a film crew must have taken over the place because there was straw and wood chippings everywhere, and people dressed up like peasants tilling the fields. I turned out that we'd gone through a time hole and arrived at Sutton Park in medieval England. It all seemed very sensible at first and we grasped the opportunity to get a good look at how life used to be but, dreams being dreams, it all turned a little weird when a local knight and his soldiers challenged my friends and I to a battle.

My friend Ché Sanderson relished the idea of a medieval battle, and even head-butted the opposing leader. It became apparent however that Ché was out of his depth when he got stabbed through the shoulder with a short-sword and was shocked to see that it really hurt, and that he might die if we fought the enemy. He needn't have worried though, I summoned a mighty dwarf (the fantasy type, not an ordinary small person) army from nowhere, who set about the medieval army with large axes and made them all run away.

18-August-2007: I was dreaming about particle accelerator components, especially the very sensitive equipment used to analyse particles as they explode on impact with each other.

17-August-2007: I had a dream that I was involved with some videos of chimpanzees on North York Moors, in the north of England.

16-August-2007: I had a dream that I met a sexy girl and a train between Leeds and Doncaster, in England, and she was going to show me some hidden, interesting parts of Doncaster, including a mysterious underground rail system, that non Doncastrians had never seen before.

15-August-2007: I had a dream that I made a model helicopter that I could sit on and fly, only when I flew it next door I lost the rotor blades then spent the rest of the dream trying to find some new ones.

14-August-2007: I had a dream that I was in a live war game in a rundown, 1980s style Eastern Bloc city where we had to capture flag points using magic and tanks. Our team was losing, we only had one of twelve capture points, but I was using my uber powers as a female witch to avoid tank shells and capture flag points on my own before the tanks could catch me.

13-August-2007: I had a dream that I was in Surbiton, south of London, with a guy called Steven Richardson who I used to hang around with in waking life twenty years ago. We had this crazy plan for robbing an office building in London. Steve had a special key that could close steam valves that supply heat to the building, like in New York offices, and we were going to close a valve and force the building to fill up with steam, then run inside with protective clothing, as everyone else ran outside, and steal everyone's belongings.

12-August-2007: I had a dream that I was a superstar in an odd form of tennis, with two nets, six players, giant rackets and a soccer ball. The players had to leap between the nets to hit the ball, which was allowed to bounce twice instead of just once.

11-August-2007: I had a dream that there was an open-air gym right in the middle of town, and some tough guy was bending bars of metal that I thought looked really thin and weak.

10-August-2007: I had a dream that I found a small town in Canada that had walls around it built from the exact same type of bricks that the walls around York, in England, are made from.

9-August-2007: I had a dream that I was lost in a place called Clifton, in York where I live. I guy from Burton Hosting, who host this webspace, was talking to me about their services as I was wandering around Clifton trying to find my way out.

8-August-2007: I had a dream that I travelled back in time to a battle near the site of modern day London before London existed. I travelled forward in time to get a Gatling gun from World War One, then came back to the battle to give ‘em Hell.

7-August-2007: I had a dream that I found a beautiful Chinese noodle bar near York University in England. The bar was shiny red and yellow and there were the most amazing-looking dumplings I've ever seen.

6-August-2007: I had a dream that I was with my friends Ché and Carl Sanderson, waiting for a meal to arrive in a pub. While we were waiting Ché and Carl's dad, Peter Sanderson, came out from the kitchen with a plate of experimental chips that he wanted me to taste, they were quite nice.

5-August-2007: I had a dream that I was walking home from the other side of town and spotted a bicycle that was unlocked, which I stole to ride home on. When I got home, to my childhood house where I no longer live in waking life, I realised that I was a grown up now and that stealing someone's bicycle was not a very good thing to do, so I took it back again.

4-August-2007: I had a dream that my friend, Carl Sanderson, was laughing in a condescending manner at my video website, myrewind.com.

3-August-2007: I had a dream that I was a woman demonstrating self defence, martial arts, from a rowing boat in the middle of a river - showing some other rowers how to react if they get attacked while in their boat.

2-August-2007: I had a dream about an electrical device that could locate missing items. I've had similar dreams before but the results were always fairly vague, in this dream the device could locate missing items very precisely, even telling me the name of the person who had the item if it was stolen.

1-August-2007: I had lots of dream with wizards bossing me around, mainly because in waking life I'm a supporting artist today in an upcoming movie with wizards in it.